The End
Forum rules
A place for new members to post their poetry so we may get to know them and their poetry better. NO erotica.
Autoprune: 12-months
A place for new members to post their poetry so we may get to know them and their poetry better. NO erotica.
Autoprune: 12-months
- Mpumelelo Rantsolase
- Clearwater Poet
- Posts: 39
- Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2001 12:01 am
- Location: South Africa
The End
The end as I saw it was pretty
For at least the pain would end
The begging would stop
The crying would cease.
The end as I saw it was funny
For the stocks would no longer matter,
The oil price would no longer matter,
The interest would no longer matter.
The end as I experienced it was
Disappointing as I expected more,
It was sad as my family was gone,
was funny cause my money was worthless,
was exciting as my god welcomed me home.
For at least the pain would end
The begging would stop
The crying would cease.
The end as I saw it was funny
For the stocks would no longer matter,
The oil price would no longer matter,
The interest would no longer matter.
The end as I experienced it was
Disappointing as I expected more,
It was sad as my family was gone,
was funny cause my money was worthless,
was exciting as my god welcomed me home.
Re: The End
good point and good write.....welcome back, i am glad you are not dead.....four and a half years is a long time between appearances though.....lol
-----------------------------
My Jesus hung out with thieves and sluts and liars, which Jesus do you worship?
---Todd Agnew
Perfection is my enemy
Procrastination is his cohort
Persistence is my sword
---Gordy
My Jesus hung out with thieves and sluts and liars, which Jesus do you worship?
---Todd Agnew
Perfection is my enemy
Procrastination is his cohort
Persistence is my sword
---Gordy
- heinzs
- The Fat Cat
- Posts: 8419
- Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
- Tag line: Do no harm
- Location: Novato, CA
- Contact:
Re: The End
Lol... I had to track Lelo down. I got tired of missing him.
Hi old friend!
Hi old friend!
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
***************************************
My Poet's Page Archive | Topics I've started
- Mpumelelo Rantsolase
- Clearwater Poet
- Posts: 39
- Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2001 12:01 am
- Location: South Africa
Re: The End
Thanx Gordy, and yes it is quite a while well it is a long time yet at times time itself just flies of the shelf, ofcourse I ain't dead and it will stay that way for a long time. Like I said the others aremost likely still alive as well just under trying circumstances that's all.
Hi Old Friend, thank you for not forgetting about me , as it turns out my son had taken over my yahoo account and so he learnt quiet a lot about our friendships. I saw what he said to you on facebook and it scares me that he even talks like me. It's good to write again though I am a bit rusty but fear not I will polish up my skills, I sure miss The Sleepless Minotaur, I wonder what he has been up to all these years, I think I will go revive him .
Now you all have a merry christmas and a blessed new year, and happy birthday Old Friend the big 6 0 is it wow
Hi Old Friend, thank you for not forgetting about me , as it turns out my son had taken over my yahoo account and so he learnt quiet a lot about our friendships. I saw what he said to you on facebook and it scares me that he even talks like me. It's good to write again though I am a bit rusty but fear not I will polish up my skills, I sure miss The Sleepless Minotaur, I wonder what he has been up to all these years, I think I will go revive him .
Now you all have a merry christmas and a blessed new year, and happy birthday Old Friend the big 6 0 is it wow
- heinzs
- The Fat Cat
- Posts: 8419
- Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
- Tag line: Do no harm
- Location: Novato, CA
- Contact:
Re: The End
LOL... So I guess I shall never be totally sure which of you I am addressing... lol. Not to worry... there are no deep dark secrets between us... only a lot of time.
Cheers. The Minotaur sleeps, but can always be awakened.
Cheers. The Minotaur sleeps, but can always be awakened.
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
***************************************
My Poet's Page Archive | Topics I've started
- Mpumelelo Rantsolase
- Clearwater Poet
- Posts: 39
- Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2001 12:01 am
- Location: South Africa
Re: The End
He just sticks to yahoo and facebook, yet never sets foot here
Re: The End
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20081230/wl ... ongounrest
this is the kind of stuff that zan was around, i would not be surprised if he is dead but who knows
this is the kind of stuff that zan was around, i would not be surprised if he is dead but who knows
-----------------------------
My Jesus hung out with thieves and sluts and liars, which Jesus do you worship?
---Todd Agnew
Perfection is my enemy
Procrastination is his cohort
Persistence is my sword
---Gordy
My Jesus hung out with thieves and sluts and liars, which Jesus do you worship?
---Todd Agnew
Perfection is my enemy
Procrastination is his cohort
Persistence is my sword
---Gordy
- Mpumelelo Rantsolase
- Clearwater Poet
- Posts: 39
- Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2001 12:01 am
- Location: South Africa
Re: The End
I on the other hand would be surprised if he was dead, tell you what I have a few friends in Uganda and Congo, why don't you send me all his details and let's see what I can find.
Like I sadi before the continent is a turmoil yet we its inhabitants are built to last
Like I sadi before the continent is a turmoil yet we its inhabitants are built to last
Re: The End
that would be awesome.........heinzs could you maybe help me round up all the info we have on zan, i will not be able to work on this until tonight but any help you could provide would be awesome
-----------------------------
My Jesus hung out with thieves and sluts and liars, which Jesus do you worship?
---Todd Agnew
Perfection is my enemy
Procrastination is his cohort
Persistence is my sword
---Gordy
My Jesus hung out with thieves and sluts and liars, which Jesus do you worship?
---Todd Agnew
Perfection is my enemy
Procrastination is his cohort
Persistence is my sword
---Gordy
Re: The End
I like this
It was easy to read and you said a lot
Good one!
It was easy to read and you said a lot
Good one!
- Tony Fiona
- Seafoam Poet
- Posts: 174
- Joined: Tue May 08, 2007 10:03 am
- Location: in memories
- Contact:
Re: The End
growth
acceptance
reward
good write
acceptance
reward
good write
" There's a race of men that can't stay still
A race that don't fit in
They break the hearts of kith and kin
and roam the world at will. " ------------Robert Service
************************
A race that don't fit in
They break the hearts of kith and kin
and roam the world at will. " ------------Robert Service
************************
Re: The End
The underlined terms are the same, within the opening two lines, which creates a slow opening for the reader (they make an automatic equivocation, which gives the impression of predictability).Mpumelelo Rantsolase wrote:The end as I saw it was pretty
For at least the pain would end
Once again, "stop" and "cease", both being, within this context, synonymous, gives the feel of redundancy.The begging would stop
The crying would cease.
Yet this example of repetition gives greater impact, as it is directly repeated, and not equivocation as in the opening stanza.The end as I saw it was funny
For the stocks would no longer matter,
The oil price would no longer matter,
The interest would no longer matter.
At the end of the second line, did you mean to place a period? If not, it reads like thisThe end as I experienced it was
Disappointing as I expected more,
It was sad as my family was gone,
was funny cause my money was worthless,
was exciting as my god welcomed me home.
"The-end-as-I-experienced-it-was
Disappointing-as-I-expected-more,-
It-was-sad..."
It just gives the reader little room for ease, and creates an awkward, forced sort of read. I suggest -if this is a matter to you- that you give it more readable punctuation.
Personally, I found the lack of wordplay and imagery to give it a bland finish. Though, I have specific tastes.
- Mpumelelo Rantsolase
- Clearwater Poet
- Posts: 39
- Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2001 12:01 am
- Location: South Africa
Re: The End
Thank you for all the feedback folks I appreciate it.
Skylark I will look into your comments
As promised I went through your comments Skylark and I dare say, this piece has served its purpose well yes there should have been a period on that line. As for styles we all have our different styles and tastes, this is my earlier style, I consider it a spur of the moment style, when I want to come up with something without putting too much thought nor energy into it. Yet fear not I am brewing something that will be a bit more appetizing, don't you go anywhere now. And I am looking forward to your critique
Skylark I will look into your comments
As promised I went through your comments Skylark and I dare say, this piece has served its purpose well yes there should have been a period on that line. As for styles we all have our different styles and tastes, this is my earlier style, I consider it a spur of the moment style, when I want to come up with something without putting too much thought nor energy into it. Yet fear not I am brewing something that will be a bit more appetizing, don't you go anywhere now. And I am looking forward to your critique
As it was so it will be, no man can defeat me. No god can claim me.
- heinzs
- The Fat Cat
- Posts: 8419
- Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
- Tag line: Do no harm
- Location: Novato, CA
- Contact:
Re: The End
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
***************************************
My Poet's Page Archive | Topics I've started
Re: The End
i love the ending. i feel that this poem is saying nothing matters because in the end where you end up is all that matters.
No one is free.......if you disagree, try to skate board down the street....
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