The End

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A place for new members to post their poetry so we may get to know them and their poetry better. NO erotica.
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Mpumelelo Rantsolase
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 39
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2001 12:01 am
Location: South Africa

The End

Post by Mpumelelo Rantsolase » Tue Dec 23, 2008 8:36 am

The end as I saw it was pretty
For at least the pain would end
The begging would stop
The crying would cease.

The end as I saw it was funny
For the stocks would no longer matter,
The oil price would no longer matter,
The interest would no longer matter.

The end as I experienced it was
Disappointing as I expected more,
It was sad as my family was gone,
was funny cause my money was worthless,
was exciting as my god welcomed me home.

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gordy
Windfall Prophet
Posts: 1463
Joined: Thu Apr 18, 2002 12:01 am
Location: HAMILTON OHIO

Re: The End

Post by gordy » Tue Dec 23, 2008 12:22 pm

good point and good write.....welcome back, i am glad you are not dead.....four and a half years is a long time between appearances though.....lol :mrgreen: :thumbsup:
-----------------------------
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My Jesus hung out with thieves and sluts and liars, which Jesus do you worship?

---Todd Agnew


Perfection is my enemy
Procrastination is his cohort
Persistence is my sword

---Gordy

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heinzs
The Fat Cat
Posts: 8411
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Re: The End

Post by heinzs » Tue Dec 23, 2008 6:18 pm

Lol... I had to track Lelo down. I got tired of missing him.

Hi old friend!


:hello:
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An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
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Mpumelelo Rantsolase
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 39
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2001 12:01 am
Location: South Africa

Re: The End

Post by Mpumelelo Rantsolase » Wed Dec 24, 2008 7:59 am

Thanx Gordy, and yes it is quite a while well it is a long time yet at times time itself just flies of the shelf, ofcourse I ain't dead and it will stay that way for a long time. Like I said the others aremost likely still alive as well just under trying circumstances that's all.
Hi Old Friend, thank you for not forgetting about me :thumbsup:, as it turns out my son had taken over my yahoo account and so he learnt quiet a lot about our friendships. I saw what he said to you on facebook and it scares me that he even talks like me. It's good to write again though I am a bit rusty but fear not I will polish up my skills, I sure miss The Sleepless Minotaur, I wonder what he has been up to all these years, I think I will go revive him :wink: .
Now you all have a merry christmas and a blessed new year, and happy birthday Old Friend the big 6 0 is it wow :cheers:

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heinzs
The Fat Cat
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Re: The End

Post by heinzs » Thu Dec 25, 2008 1:49 pm

LOL... So I guess I shall never be totally sure which of you I am addressing... lol. Not to worry... there are no deep dark secrets between us... only a lot of time.

Cheers. The Minotaur sleeps, but can always be awakened.

:hello:
**************************************
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
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Mpumelelo Rantsolase
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 39
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2001 12:01 am
Location: South Africa

Re: The End

Post by Mpumelelo Rantsolase » Tue Dec 30, 2008 3:07 am

He just sticks to yahoo and facebook, yet never sets foot here :lol:

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gordy
Windfall Prophet
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Joined: Thu Apr 18, 2002 12:01 am
Location: HAMILTON OHIO

Re: The End

Post by gordy » Tue Dec 30, 2008 2:43 pm

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20081230/wl ... ongounrest

this is the kind of stuff that zan was around, i would not be surprised if he is dead but who knows
-----------------------------
Image

My Jesus hung out with thieves and sluts and liars, which Jesus do you worship?

---Todd Agnew


Perfection is my enemy
Procrastination is his cohort
Persistence is my sword

---Gordy

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Mpumelelo Rantsolase
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 39
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2001 12:01 am
Location: South Africa

Re: The End

Post by Mpumelelo Rantsolase » Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:42 am

I on the other hand would be surprised if he was dead, tell you what I have a few friends in Uganda and Congo, why don't you send me all his details and let's see what I can find.
Like I sadi before the continent is a turmoil yet we its inhabitants are built to last :wink:

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gordy
Windfall Prophet
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Joined: Thu Apr 18, 2002 12:01 am
Location: HAMILTON OHIO

Re: The End

Post by gordy » Wed Dec 31, 2008 2:48 am

that would be awesome.........heinzs could you maybe help me round up all the info we have on zan, i will not be able to work on this until tonight but any help you could provide would be awesome :thumbsup: :angel: :mrgreen:
-----------------------------
Image

My Jesus hung out with thieves and sluts and liars, which Jesus do you worship?

---Todd Agnew


Perfection is my enemy
Procrastination is his cohort
Persistence is my sword

---Gordy

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Joehanna
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 75
Joined: Thu Dec 14, 2006 6:26 am
Location: Europe

Re: The End

Post by Joehanna » Wed Dec 31, 2008 9:45 am

I like this
It was easy to read and you said a lot
Good one!

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Tony Fiona
Seafoam Poet
Posts: 174
Joined: Tue May 08, 2007 10:03 am
Location: in memories
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Re: The End

Post by Tony Fiona » Wed Dec 31, 2008 2:13 pm

growth
acceptance
reward
good write
" There's a race of men that can't stay still
A race that don't fit in
They break the hearts of kith and kin
and roam the world at will. " ------------Robert Service
************************
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skylark

Re: The End

Post by skylark » Thu Jan 01, 2009 9:12 pm

Mpumelelo Rantsolase wrote:The end as I saw it was pretty
For at least the pain would end
The underlined terms are the same, within the opening two lines, which creates a slow opening for the reader (they make an automatic equivocation, which gives the impression of predictability).
The begging would stop
The crying would cease.
Once again, "stop" and "cease", both being, within this context, synonymous, gives the feel of redundancy.
The end as I saw it was funny
For the stocks would no longer matter,
The oil price would no longer matter,
The interest would no longer matter.
Yet this example of repetition gives greater impact, as it is directly repeated, and not equivocation as in the opening stanza.
The end as I experienced it was
Disappointing as I expected more,
It was sad as my family was gone,
was funny cause my money was worthless,
was exciting as my god welcomed me home.
At the end of the second line, did you mean to place a period? If not, it reads like this
"The-end-as-I-experienced-it-was
Disappointing-as-I-expected-more,-
It-was-sad..."
It just gives the reader little room for ease, and creates an awkward, forced sort of read. I suggest -if this is a matter to you- that you give it more readable punctuation.

Personally, I found the lack of wordplay and imagery to give it a bland finish. Though, I have specific tastes.

:grin:

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Mpumelelo Rantsolase
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 39
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2001 12:01 am
Location: South Africa

Re: The End

Post by Mpumelelo Rantsolase » Mon Jan 05, 2009 4:26 am

Thank you for all the feedback folks I appreciate it.
Skylark I will look into your comments :wink:

As promised I went through your comments Skylark and I dare say, this piece has served its purpose well yes there should have been a period on that line. As for styles we all have our different styles and tastes, this is my earlier style, I consider it a spur of the moment style, when I want to come up with something without putting too much thought nor energy into it. Yet fear not I am brewing something that will be a bit more appetizing, don't you go anywhere now. And I am looking forward to your critique :thumbsup:
As it was so it will be, no man can defeat me. No god can claim me.

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heinzs
The Fat Cat
Posts: 8411
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
Tag line: Do no harm
Location: Novato, CA
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Re: The End

Post by heinzs » Thu Nov 18, 2010 5:29 pm

:bump:
**************************************
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
Image
***************************************
My Poet's Page Archive | Topics I've started

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Queen
Seafoam Poet
Posts: 203
Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2007 9:36 am
Location: missouri

Re: The End

Post by Queen » Fri Dec 10, 2010 11:31 am

i love the ending. i feel that this poem is saying nothing matters because in the end where you end up is all that matters.
No one is free.......if you disagree, try to skate board down the street....

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