Vagabond

A place to enjoy the interactive sport of Roleplay exercises, post your prose, short stories, story poems, prose poems and epics. This forum does not autoprune

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moonflower
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Re: Vagabond

Post by moonflower » Wed Aug 11, 2010 9:21 pm

i really liked this story!..it kept my interest and it was very easy to visualize..did you ever write any more to it?..i wonder if the authorities caught up with David and what happened to him then..this is great stuff heinzs! :thumbsup: :hello:
inside each soul there is music...let the music play..

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heinzs
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Re: Vagabond

Post by heinzs » Thu Aug 12, 2010 4:27 pm

The muse never threw any more of this in my direction... Thanks Val.
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heinzs
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Re: Vagabond

Post by heinzs » Sun Jun 12, 2011 2:41 pm

still my fav short story... publishers aren't interested.

:no:
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Moushka
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Re: Vagabond

Post by Moushka » Wed Dec 05, 2012 6:57 pm

The Ravyn wrote::bump:
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action

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Moushka
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Re: Vagabond

Post by Moushka » Wed Dec 05, 2012 7:10 pm

What I read online very recently for the first time, needs more commas inserted in the proper places, and the part about Melanie, ? (Don't have the inclination to go back and verify, if that was the name you used) in my opinion, needs to be separated in some sort of punctuality way, to the rest of the story. Great story! :bow: Do you need a refresher in English at your age? Possibly. I'm not the writer. :shock:


P.S. You misspelled a word towards the beginning.
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action

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Moushka
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Re: Vagabond

Post by Moushka » Wed Dec 05, 2012 7:11 pm

Specifically refresh yourself on the proper placement of commas. :hello:
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action

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Moushka
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Re: Vagabond

Post by Moushka » Wed Dec 05, 2012 7:12 pm

I did not read this on Poetry Pages.
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action

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heinzs
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Re: Vagabond

Post by heinzs » Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:15 pm

Actually, Cathleen, all the words are spelled correctly and there are more than enough commas... lol. Some of the dialog is dialectic and must be spelled that way to be authentic. As for the "flash to the past" insert, it's separated enough since this is first person narrative and not third person observer.

Keep warm! There's some cold weather coming your way.

Pops
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burdick
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Re: Vagabond

Post by burdick » Mon Dec 10, 2012 4:31 am

god! you make it look so easy!

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heinzs
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Re: Vagabond

Post by heinzs » Mon Dec 10, 2012 9:56 am

James, this piece actually started out as a stanza-formatted freeverse poem in 4 parts. I realized that if I took out all the line breaks that it was a straightforward prose story, not a poem at all.

My "best" pieces all come from somewhere in the aether. They spring from my pen to the paper without any deliberate intervention by my logical mind. None of them are edited, so like Athena from the forehead of Zeus they spring full-grown and armored into the world ready to do battle.

Cheers!
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Moushka
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Re: Vagabond

Post by Moushka » Mon Dec 10, 2012 7:02 pm

Oh :shock: . My bad :shrug: . Had i continued writing poetry after mom and dads divorce when i was a pre-teen, i might have known all that information by now. :critique: ? I'm not really qualified :oops: . Your write touched me in a holy spirit way. A possible explanation to something that i have been through. :hello:
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action

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heinzs
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Re: Vagabond

Post by heinzs » Wed Jan 01, 2014 10:38 pm

:bump:
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An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
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burdick
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Re: Vagabond

Post by burdick » Thu Jan 02, 2014 3:38 am

a well written, bad story.
a question. do you speak more than English?

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heinzs
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Re: Vagabond

Post by heinzs » Sun Jan 05, 2014 1:35 pm

lol... thanks James. I speak a bit of German and high school Spanish.

:hello:
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An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
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