All That Really Matters

[Leysa]

ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS
By Leysa Enz Robertson

Cancer is a frightening disease. Its invasion on a family can be devastating and yet, in its wake, the pain can bring about a learning process from which we all can benefit.

Several years ago cancer stole my father.

It was difficult for the entire family to watch Dad suffer through he surgery, the treatments and the medicines that eventually weakened him beyond his ability to survive. It was also a time of mixed blessings. The family pulled together as families do in times of crisis. Friends and neighbors shared their time and help. Love and prayers surrounded us.

In the midst of all the heartache and turmoil, my brother, sisters and I were witnesses to the beauty of love between Mother and Dad.

As children we took our parents’ relationship for granted. They were simply our parents, the two people who doled out hugs and punishments, as we deserved them. They were our teachers. At their feet we learned how to do things for ourselves, how to behave in social situations, and how to treat other people.

We never witnessed a cross word between the two of them. They treated each other with kindness and consideration and occasionally shared an embrace or kiss. With us they shared a warmth that made out house a home. We were safe. They were our protectors.

Mainly, though, they were just parents. As we grew and learned about relationships, we each in turn found it difficult to imagine intimacy between our parents. And yet we had to accept that, too, as we looked at each other and realized we were the results of that intimacy. We decided that aspect of their relationship was a thing of the past. Mother and Dad were simply our parents. We were sure they had no understanding of the yearning young hearts feel for each other.

As we ventured out, married and began our own families we knew our parents were too far removed from the types of relationships we were experiencing. We noted their graying hair, their slowing steps. Dad spent his days on the golf course and Mother went to meetings and luncheons. Surely they were beyond the passions we all felt for own mates. After all, they were our parents.

Then the cancer struck. For days we all seemed caught in a nightmare from which we hoped to awaken. We functioned in a sleepwalking state, living in disbelief. Eventually reality hit home and we had to face the fact that cancer was now a part of our lives. We rallied around Dad and Mother.

As together they fought the disease that claimed Dad’s body, they revealed the miracle of love that transcends the years. It was like an aura surrounding the two of them. Words unspoken were communicated in a look, in a touch. It was more intimate and more passionate than any love we had yet to experience. Such love, such intimacy, such passion is the stuff of dreams. It was the culmination of all those years of shared love and trust and respect. It had substance. Their love was an electric current felt by anyone else in the room with Mother and Dad.

Once again we were children learning at the feet of our parents.

Dad’s greatest legacy, his greatest gift to us, his children, was the love he felt for Mother. It gives us all something for which to aspire, for which to work. Because when all is said and done, when the final tally is taken, it is how we love that really matters.

[girlpoet]

That was a beautiful testament to both your father, your parents and this horrible unmerciful disease that can take away something so wonderful and rip it forcefully out of your life. I lost my father to cancer too, brain cancer, and it was the worst experience imaginable to see someone so vital and alive being siphoned off everyday. I don't think there's anything quite as bad as lingering cancer, to someone experiencing it, or in the aftermath of it experiencing it with someone you love.
A very well said, amazing tribute, Leysa, and I'm so glad you put into such beautiful words this experience. Thank you, from someone who's been there and could never find the words for the anguished beauty and poignancy of this tragic moment.

[Leysa]

It was brain cancer that my father suffered from as well. He was diagnosed in April and was gone by August. It was so fast, but still we had time to tell him how much we loved him. He was a remarkable man and although it has been over 16 years since his death, I miss him daily. I hope that science has learned more in those 16 years to prevent others from the suffering he endured. Thanks for your words -- it means a lot that someone else understands.

[Moongem]

*sniff* That was wonderful, Leysa! I can see your parents values and character shining on in you. They must be very proud of you. ((Hugs)) Thank you for your beautiful insights. [img]images/smiles/icon_smile.gif[/img]