Tinfoyola3000 (space comedy play)

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AlmightyCowalrus

Tinfoyola3000 (space comedy play)

Post by AlmightyCowalrus » Thu May 30, 2002 11:44 pm

Tinfoyola3000

info on characters
myvin (an alien with a brittish accent)
Captain Jimmy Flobard (the captain)
Doctor Froggalbottom (a supposive doctor who messes up words quite often)
Winnifred Derfinni (a ditzy girl)
SoVacO3 (a robot)


INTRO

(voice speaks as various space like things happen, maybe the camera can show a video of random stars and planets)
Often I look back on the space quest of my former colleagues, and I wonder, had I been there would it be different. I am quite positive they did all possible to achieve their mission and objectives, but still a bouncy ball of question marks boings about my brain. Was I at fault for not going with them, was it the fault of the ships manufacturer, or was it the fault of those aboard. I am afeard I will never know the answer to these questions, I simply know, we lost contact a year ago, and our efforts of finding them have only ended in the embarrassment of the academy.
(show dark figures with their faces in their hands in shame)
Our mini missions sent to search the outermost galaxies have failed due to several minor complications combining to cause catastrophes.
(show a few spacemen being tickled by some aliens)
The last party that was sent to find them made a crash landing on the planet of Zumar and our crew was badly tortured by its barbaric inhabitants.
(show a picture of each crew member as their name is said, preferably making a somewhat silly yet serious face)
I can only pray that Captain Jimmy Flobard, Dr. Froggalbottom, and Winnifred Derfinni are still out there somewhere, some how. I assume the artificial intelligent robot called SoVacO 3 has failed already, he was only built to last the amount of time the quest would take. Therefore if the crew is still alive and able, the ship is being navigated manually, but then I also ponder, if they themselves are navigating why have they not returned?
(Show a ship flying through space, this can be done with cheap ship model made of cardboard or something)

(Camera fades out, and then fades into the first scene)

Scene One : Cappuccino

(Scene opens inside of the spaceship...Members of the crew and the alien are all snoozing and laying all over one another on the floor. Some snore some slobber...the alien making gurgling sleep scarey hairy noises.. The robot standing off to the side, slumped over in sleep mode while its arm twitches occasionally.)

SoVacO3:
Beep Beep Beep Beep (etc.)
(Waving arms back and forth and eventually knocks itself in the head and wakes up)
Time.....2 o'clock...PM...Date:......First..of..July..and the year:....3 thousand...7 hundred....and...twenty nine....hmm....today is Canada day....
(begins singing o Canada in a loud monotone robotic type voice)

Captain Flobard:
(gets up irritably to reset the alarm on the robot to 5 minutes later..saying under his breath)
Stupid robot...always waking us up with that stupid alarm of his...I just wish there was some way to detach it....

SoVacO3:
(Speaks to captain as he approaches it to reset its alarm)
Good day..captain..Jimmy..Flobard..Happy..Canada..Day..And..
(slowly his speech slurs into slow motion as it goes back into sleep mode)

Captain Flobard:
What is it with that stupid robot?? You'd think by now it would have stopped working all together, leaving us alone to our nap times..uninterrupted in the sweet bliss that is sleep...but
(waves arms in the air and talks in a patronizing type way thing...kinda like Adam Sandler does sometimes... yea)
NOOOO...he just loses all logic..he can't navi-gate..But somehow....somehow..he still manages to wake us up every stinkin afternoon...
(pauses for a moment)
all this clever nonsense is tuckering me out.
(Returns to his place on the floor and instantly starts making various sleep noises)

(All is silent for a while...the camera closes in on Captain Flobard as he snores loudly in a maniacal and humorous snorish way, staying focused on him for about a minute or 30 seconds......then camera zooms out and slowly zooms in on myvin as she makes various gurgling sleep alien type noises, staying focused on her for the same amt of time as Flobard......camera zooms out and slowly zooms in on Dr. Frog. As he is drooling, and the camera slowly zooms into his lip where pieces of drool slowly slip off, and stays zoomed for about 2 minutes or what seems like forever....and then Winnifred exclaims in her sleep loudly)

Winnifred:
(Exclaiming crazily)
NO MOMMY!! YOU'RE WRONG...MOMMY!!!
(With a calm tour guide type voice)
upon the pressing of the green button, the checker board, commonly used for recreational purposes, flips over revealing a map of space, with elaborate, detailed instructions of how to run the ship. The luminous yellow switch holds the power to -
(interrupted)


SoVacO3:
Beep Beep Beep Beep (etc.)
(Waving arms back and forth and eventually knocks itself in the head and wakes up)
Time.....2 o'clock and five minutes...PM...Date:......First..of..July..and the year:....3 thousand...7 hundred....and...twenty nine....hmm....today is Canada day....
(begins singing o Canada in a loud monotone robotic type voice)

(This time all the members of the crew throw various items at the robot. A rubber chicken hits the robot in the head causing it to fall over, but it continues to sing the Canada song gradually getting louder.)

Winnifred:
-(Gets up and turns off the robots alarm)
Fine fine we're up, snot like were getting a smarter in our sleeper, er sumthin. I thought I had this thing set on radio, I really wanted to hear "livin la vida loca", darn.
(Snaps fingers in disagust)

(The others get up and yawn and stretch)

SoVacO3-
Cappuccino for the crew.
(Makes cappuccino machine noises as he hands cappuccino out to the crew)

Captain Flobard-
This robot, ya know, may make some dang good cappuccino, and occasionally beat us at a rousing game of cards. But this alarm stuff is getting A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G.

SoVacO3-
Correct you have just won the Tinfoyala3000 spelling bee. You win an all expenses paid trip to space camp.

Captian Flobard:
Confetti! Blast! Great Turkey Gravy and Muk'n'stuff! Why do we need a trip to space camp stupid robot, we are already in space!

Winnifred:
Besides my mom already paid for my space camp trip, so you can just take that camp to space trip in stick it in your. . . . . uh . . . . . . you can just . . . . . . . um . . . . . Your Dumb!, why am I even talking to you, your stupid, your fat, I'm not gonna talk to you anymore. Look at me this is me not talking to you, see see, im not talking to you so ho hum, This is me not talking to you, so you can just talk to the face cause the hand ain't listening cause it ain't got no ears none. Hahahahahahahaha.

(The crew just looks at Winnifred in a pathetic manner, the Dr. trying hard not to laugh starts to laugh and covers it up with a very fake cough. The crew looks at the doctor until he is finished)

Doc. Frog-
(Acts like he is gonna say something three times pointing his finger in the air, but then dismisses it every time and finally says)
Ya know, now that I think about
(calmly rubbing his chin)
in fact I presume we can extract the alarm from the robots cranium.

Myvin-
(Corrects the doctor)
that would be detach not extract, doctor.

Doc. Frog-
(Glances at Myvin with a picha manner pointing his nose in the air, then walks calmly toward the robot and suddenly dives at the robot to detach the alarm maniacally. . . . struggles for a while as the others look at him in a whatawha manner and then yells)
don't just stand there stalking like a bully with a mullet! Help me you bolts!

(The others join in the effort, except Myvin stays back shaking her head as the crew members who pursue the alarm clock make various grunting sounds)

Winnifred-
(Suddenly screams)

(Everyone stops and move so that the camera can get a good view of her arm which is stuck to a piece of duct tape still stuck to the robot)

Winnifred-
I'm turning into a robot!
(moves her free arm in a robot like manner as she whines and cries, and screams and finally jerks her arm removing the tape from the robot but still stuck on her arm and she panics)

Myvin-
no love, your not turning into a robot
(and takes the tape off of her arm and looks at it)
On my planet we had an adhesive strip quite like this one here, if I recall correctly it is completely harmless I do believe so you will be quite all right.

Winnifred-
(sighs in relief)
thank goodness, I thought I was a gonner.

Captain Flobard-
Holy guacamole! Look, the robot is dead!
(Points at the slumped over robot)

Doc. Frog-
What will become of us without our betrothed cappuccino!

Myvin-
(Begins to correct the doctor)
well actually . . . . nevermind

Winnifred-
Looky looky, the alarm clock is over there
(points to the alarm clock laying in the floor and runs and picks it up)

Caption Flobbard-
(takes the clock from her)
give me that you'll break it
(takes the clock and then drops it)

(All gasp, camera gets closeup of the clock on the floor, the batteries obviously have fallen out)

Captian Flobbard-
(picks it up)
Oh no! What ever shall we do, it is broken.

Myvin-
Perhaps there is something of equal value in the junk closet that may repair the robots condition.

Captain Flobbard-
Just maybe, I'll be back in two shakes of a lambs tail
(runs off scene toward the direction that is the junk closet)

Myvin-
Winnifred you klutz.

Winnifred-
Hey—
(turns to doc froggalbottom and says)
whats a klutz

Doc Frog-
a klutz, well a klutz was a pedal that was in a standard vehicle back in the 20th century

Winnifred-
Thanks Myvin!!

(Captain flobbard returns holding a dogs chew toy in his hands {preferably a hotdog shaped toy} and exclaims)

Captain Flobbard-
I wonder if this will work!
(Walks up to the robot and uses the leftover duct tape to tape the chew toy to the robots head)


(Everyone is silent for a while, staring at the robot as it doesnt move...and they sigh in disappointment...then suddenly the robot looks up and Suddenly starts twitching and makes various beeps and blurps preferably of the joy electric variety.....then begins freaking out like jim carey did on the mask...after freaking out stands up straight cocks its head to the side slightly and makes a noise like it lost its power...everyone stares at it, some with scared expressions, some drooling, etc)

Myvin-
um..SaVacO3...are you alright, love?

Winnifred-
don't you know you're talking to a robot? Robots cant talk..theyre almost as stupid as you! (Begins laughing so hard she snorts)


Myvin-
no. no ..on my planet, robots are just as alive as we. they're just beings that have moved onto a higher state of ....of....o what's the word im looking for?

Doc-
metality is the word you're looking for I conceive

Myvin-
yes! A higher state of mentality..thats what it is .. They move on to a higher state of mentality and -

Doc-
uh...that's metality..heh..(says under his breath) that british accident cant hide his lack of inner elegance

Myvin-
uh...never mind..its hopeless..as I was saying..on my planet the word robot has a good connotation tied to it. Many of our beings strive to become such a robot. I , in fact, was almost there, but then on one fateful night I had to use the water closet and suddenly the floor started shaking and the next thing I knew I was flying off into space with a bunch of ..well..you guys....and I well I..(is interupted)

(Winnifred begins toying with the robot and pushing various buttons when all of a sudden the robot jerks up with facial expressions this time and an actual personality)

SoVacO3:
‘Sup chaps. I be movin and a groovin since the day of the completion of my construction in the laboratory...

Captain Flobard:
Gasp!!

SoVacO3-
"So much depends upon a red wheel barrow glazed with rain water beside the white chickens."

Flobard-
that is so beautiful. . I think im getting misty eyed...where did you ever hear that?

SoVacO3-
back at the laboratory, it was mandatory for robots to take many classes in various subjects to be of the highest intelligence. But of course I downloaded this personally from one of my robot acquaintances .. It was some kid named mak.. And if im not mistaken the author of this piece was William Carlos Williams. Yes I do believe so.

Flobard-
wow. Myvin was correct in her statements of robots. They really are of the highest intellect. It seems as though someone has finally shown you up, Doctor Froggalbottom. (Chuckles)

SoVacO3-
Word.

Doctor-
this is great guys..really. . really..but isn't it about time for another one of our meetings? Ya know..to spectate on how to get home? I know this amazing robot is quite the interesting felon and all, and I love him just as much as the next doctor...but personally...I don't want to be stuck out here in space for the rest of my life.

All-
yea yea.. It is about time..mhmm ok..yea (random things)

(Everyone gathers around the table with a checker board on it)

Flobard-
Gee Wizz!! We havn't one of these in a month of Sundays.

Winnifred-
HAH! There caint be no month of Sundays, Sundays are only once a week.

Flobard-
yeah . . .(makes a ‘winnifred is stupid face') anywho lets get this show on the road. As your captain and official tooth floss distributor I feel the need for us to organize ourselves. SoVacO3, lettuce here the minutes you took from our last meeting to jog our memories since we have slumbered on so many occasions since then.

SoVacO3-
(presses play button on the tape player attached to its body)
AGHUAWAH IM SICK OF THIS PLACE YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY WERE NEVER GONNA GET OUTTA HERE!!! RAR!! IM JUST GONNA, IM GONNA JUMP, I'LL DO IT!!! I'LL DO IT YOU CANT STOPMEH THE DEEP OF SPACE IS MY (voice turns growly and gurggley) DESTINATION!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(hear crying in ground of back)
Calibretto 13 dilly plays: Go ahead and run! Go home and cry to momma! Me im thru runnin! Etc etc. (tape stops)

(All look in a HUH type way)

Winnifred-
Who was that? Now im upsetted, have u guys been hiding someone on this ship from me this whole time!

Doctor Froggalbottom-
Why would we do that, that would be up left delicious of us!

Myvin-
Delicious? How owuld that make us delicious, I would think the word you are meaning to say is malicious. Besides there has never been anybody else on this blasted flying contraption other than the five of us you hippo botanical landmasses.

Flobard-
Yeah that wasn't even my own (voice cracks) voice.

SoVacO3-
And the comic hilarity ensues. I was only jestin. Also I killed two birds with one stone: I livened up your pathetic countenance and I taught you kids about a little something called space madness, if you kiddos is weely serious bout getter yerselves outta dees here deep depths of space, and by George and Wilbur, if ye be not full of care space madnees fo sho be bustin a cap inya. Here be the realy minutes I took fo da last meetin. (Presses play and nothing happens, everyone sits for a sec listening) oh, sowie, I musta recorded over last meetings minutes . . . oops.

Winnifred-
See I told you robots are stupid, he not even caint right talk correctly.

Myvin-
Oh the irony.

Doc-
Sir, don't you mean to say ironing.

Myvin-
uh . . . sure.

Flobard-
Well since we are lacking in the department o minutes lettuce commence the figuring out on how we can escape this infernal place we often refer to as space. So lettuce take inventory of what the five of us can do, we all have these titles for a reason don't we? (Chuckles nervously)

Winnifred-
well, I can jump rope, I can play jax, ummm, I can tie my shoes in under five seconds, I can play hop scotch rather well, and in kiddy garden I cleaned out a hamsters cage once, I can braid hair, I can make macaroni salad, I can do the polka, ummm. . let me see, I can wear leatards without looking stupid. . . humm, I can sleep, I can breath, I can eat, I can paint my face like an indian, I have the ability to ramble on for hours, I can talk to squarrels, I can (interupted)

Doc-
Thats a little ear elephant there winnifred.

Winnifred-
Well, . . what can you do mr doctor guy!?

Doc.-
I can take blood pressure. . . . . uh. . . . uh . . . Hmmmm, I like backgammon . . . . and yes, I do know how to say back garment.

Myvin-
And doctor, don't take offence, but on my planet it takes a little more than backgammon to get through medical school, have you any other skills?


Doc-
I have the vo-capillary of an encyclopedia.

Myvin-
I see . . . . well, I fear that on this contraption you things of earth like to call a space ship there is nothing that is compatible with my intellect. Therefore in this state I am saddened to report my skills are useless, however, I have a very peculiar British accent along with the mind of an Englishman, an educated one at that. SoVacO3, what are your skills?

SoVacO3-
I can do anything I am told or programmed to do, but that is totally up to the smarts that inhabit the mind of those programming me. I can make really good cappuccino and have a rather mixed personality thus letting me fit into every society. Other than that what I do is up to you.

Flobard-
Well, this is great! Just great, im stuck on a ship with a useless bundle of bolts and three useless dolts. There is nothing that can be done to save us now I hope a huge meteor made of popcorn would crash into our ship and end our insanity!

Winnifred-
its okay though! You don't need us dummies! You're the captain! You went to a special school and everything! You can fly the ship!!!!!!!!!

All-
yea! Yea you can do it! (Random crap)
(begin chanting Flo-bard..flo-bard!)

Flobard-
guys...I have a confession to make. I may have been to a special school and all, but my passing of such was a sham...I guessed my way through it and all other schools I have ever attended. I'm just a very strategic guesser with way too much luck behind me..I know less about this ship and space and all other elements there of than our own little winifred here. im just as useless as this robot. (hangs head in shame)

(Everyone is speechless with sad and disgusted and all other kinds of looks on their faces)

TO BE CONTINUED

[ 05-30-2002: Message edited by: Johny Campbell ]</p>

User avatar
heinzs
The Fat Cat
Posts: 8419
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
Tag line: Do no harm
Location: Novato, CA
Contact:

Tinfoyola3000 (space comedy play)

Post by heinzs » Fri May 31, 2002 1:33 am

First screenplay I've seen. Reminiscent of "Hitchhiker's Guide".

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AlmightyCowalrus

Tinfoyola3000 (space comedy play)

Post by AlmightyCowalrus » Mon Jun 03, 2002 10:51 pm

yeah
so
it
would
be
cool
if
someone
replied
to
this
please!!!
hehe

User avatar
heinzs
The Fat Cat
Posts: 8419
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
Tag line: Do no harm
Location: Novato, CA
Contact:

Tinfoyola3000 (space comedy play)

Post by heinzs » Tue Jun 04, 2002 1:21 am

Not too many interested in stories or prose... mine don't get much traffic here either.

[img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

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AlmightyCowalrus

Tinfoyola3000 (space comedy play)

Post by AlmightyCowalrus » Sun Jun 09, 2002 7:16 pm

doot dee doo

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