how the sun shined on my temple

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gordy
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how the sun shined on my temple

Post by gordy » Thu Apr 18, 2002 7:49 pm

HOW THE SUN SHINED ON MY TEMPLE AND FILLED THE EMPTY CENTER
Or
How the son shined on my temple and filled the empty sinner


I WAS BORN IN A TEMPLE. AFTER A TIME I DECIDED TO HEAD OUT AND SEE THE WORLD. MY MOM AND DAD WARNED ME TO BE CAREFUL OUT THERE AND THEN GAVE ME A HUG. MY MOM THEN HANDED ME MY CANDLE AND SAID, “ALWAYS KEEP THIS WITH YOU SON, BECAUSE IT SOMETIMES GETS EXTREMELY DARK OUT THERE AND THE NIGHTS CAN BE BITTERLY COLD. BUT YOU CAN USE THIS CANDLE TO LIGHT UP DARK AREAS IN THE WORLD. IT CAN ALSO BE USED TO WARM YOUR HEART IN TIMES OF EXTREME COLD.”
SO I TUCKED MY CANDLE INTO MY BACK POCKET, KISSED MY MOM ON THE CHEEK AND HEADED OUT ONTO THE WIDE PATH THAT LED UPHILL OUT OF MY MOM AND DAD’S HOUSE.
THE PATH WAS COVERED WITH ALL DIFFERENT KINDS OF THORNY, PRICKLY WEEDS. SCATTERED THROUGHOUT THESE WEEDS WERE LARGE ROCKS THAT YOU COULD STAND ON AND THEN JUMP FROM ROCK TO ROCK AVOIDING THE WEEDS. BUT THIS WAY WAS TOO SLOW AND BORING FOR ME. I WAS YOUNG AND ADVENTUROUS SO I SPED OFF THROUGH THE PAINFUL THORNS IGNORING HOW THEY WERE RIPPING AT MY FEET AND TEARING THE SOULS.
I SAW MANY STRANGE AND WONDERFUL THINGS ON THIS WIDE PATH. EVERY SO OFTEN I WOULD WONDER UPON A FOUNTAIN SET OFF TO THE SIDE OF THE PATH. A SMALL NARROW PATHWAY WOULD LEAD UP TO THE FOUNTAIN AND THEN CONTINUE UPWARD AWAY FROM THE FOUNTAIN OFF INTO THE DISTANCE. OFTEN TIMES THERE WOULD BE PEOPLE STANDING ON A HUGE ROCK IN FRONT OF THE FOUNTAIN. THESE PEOPLE WERE OF ALL SORTS AND PECULIARITIES. MANY OF THEM WOULD OFFER ME SUNFLOWER SEEDS, INVITING ME ALSO TO DRINK FROM THE FOUNTAIN AND HEAD UP THE NARROW PATH BEYOND. THESE PEOPLE WERE THE BRIGHTEST AND SHINIEST. YET THERE WERE OTHERS, SOME OF WHICH WHO SEEMED TO BE ASLEEP ON THE ROCK AND YOU COULDN’T GET PAST THEM TO GET TO THE NARROW PATH. OTHERS WOULD THROW PIECES OF THE ROCK AT YOU TRYING TO SCARE YOU DOWN THE NARROW WAY. STILL OTHERS WERE THROWING PIECES OF THE ROCK AT EACH OTHER AND YOU COULDN’T REALLY GET ANYWHERE CLOSE OR YOU WOULD GET HIT. THEY WERE PREVENTING MANY PEOPLE FROM GETTING TO THE NARROW PATH. THESE ROCK THROWERS WERE USUALLY THE ONES WHO HAD HUGE HOARDS OF SEEDS BUT THEY WOULDN’T GIVE THEM TO ANYONE, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU BEGGED.
SOMETIMES I WOULD SEE PEOPLE WHO WERE STRUGGLING UP THE WIDE PATH, KICKING AGAINST THE VINES AND THORNS AND THEY WOULD TAKE A MOMENT TO LEAN ON THE ROCK AND REST, ONLY TO GET RIGHT BACK UP AND STRUGGLE FURTHER ON, SEEMING TO NOT GET ANYWHERE REALLY.
AFTER A TIME I GOT UP THE NERVE TO TALK TO SOME OF THE PEOPLE WALKING ALONG WITH ME ON THE WIDE PATHWAY. THEY INVITED ME TO GO WITH THEM TO A PLACE THEY GATHERED. THEY WOULD GATHER TOGETHER AT NITE AND DRINK. THIS LIQUID THAT THEY DRANK WAS A MIXTURE OF BEER AND ALE. THEY CALLED IT BAALE. THEY BUILT HUGE NEON SHRINES TO THIS DRINK AND THEY SERVED IT THERE DAY AND NITE.ANYTIME YOU WENT THERE THEY WERE SERVING BAALE.IT WAS A VERY NUMBING LIQUID AND IT CAUSED SOME OF THE PEOPLE TO LOSE CONTROL OF THEMSELVES SLIGHTLY AND THEY SPILLED THEIR BAALE ON MY CANDLE, (WHICH I HAD EVEN ACTUALLY FORGOTTEN I WAS STILL CARRYING.)
“HEY”, I SAID, “YOU’RE PUTTING OUT MY CANDLE.”
“YOU DON’T NEED LIGHT OUT HERE,” THEY SAID TO ME, “IT ONLY SHOWS HOW UGLY YOU ARE ANYWAY.”
AT FIRST I DID NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY WERE CALLING ME UGLY, BUT AFTER HEARING IT FROM THEM FOR A WHILE I STARTED TO BELIEVE IT AND TO ACCEPT WHATEVER THEY TOLD ME AS THE TRUTH.
I ASKED THEM HOW MUCH THEY WERE GOING TO CHARGE ME FOR THE BAALE, BUT THEY SAID IT WAS FREE OF CHARGE THIS TIME. BUT WHEN I TURNED AROUND AGAIN TO SAY THANKS, THEY WERE GONE AND I WAS ALONE IN THE DARK WITH NO CANDLELIGHT TO SEE MY WAY HOME. SO I STUMBLED AND ROLLED BACK DOWN THE PATH BACK TO MY HOUSE AND HID INSIDE THE ATTIC OF MY TEMPLE.
MY MOM AND DAD WOULD KNOCK ON MY DOOR ALL THE TIME TRYING TO GET ME TO COME OUT BUT I WOULD SEE THEIR LIGHT SHINING FROM UNDERNEATH THE DOOR AND I DIDN’T WANT THEM TO SEE HOW UGLY I WAS NOW.
SO EVERY DAY WHEN I HEADED OUT I WOULD PUT A CLOWNS MASK ON. THIS WAY NO ONE COULD SEE THE REAL ME. SOMETIMES PEOPLE WOULD LAUGH AT SOME OF THE THINGS I WOULD SAY OR DO AND MY CANDLE STICK WOULD FLICKER A LITTLE (I HAD IT IN MY BACK POCKET EVERY WHERE I WENT, I DON’T REALLY KNOW WHY I EVEN KEPT IT.) BUT USUALLY IT WOULD FLICKER BACK OUT AS QUICK AS IT LIT UP. EITHER I WOULD SPILL MORE BAALE ON IT OR I WOULD BE AFRAID SOMEONE WOUOLD SEE HOW UGLY I REALLY WAS UNDER MY MASK AND I WOULD PUT THE CANDLE OUT MYSELF.
SO I WOULD HEAD OUT EVERY NIGHT TO DRINK MORE BAALE. IT WAS GETTING DARKER AND DARKER OUT THERE BUT THEY ALWAYS SERVED BAALE. SOMETIMES I WOULD TRY AND USE A FLASHLIGHT OR SOME OTHER SOURCE OF LIGHT BUT THE BATTERIES ALWAYS DIED OR SOMETHING. AND IT WAS NEVER AS BRIGHT AS THE CANDLE BUT I JUST COULDN’T KEEP THE CANDLE GOING WITH SO MUCH BAALE BEING SERVED AND SPILLED.
BY THIS TIME MY BAALE DRINKING WAS GETTING MUCH WORSE. IT ALSO WAS GETTING EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE. AT FIRST THEY ONLY CHARGED A LITTLE DIGNITY HERE A LITTLE PRIDE THERE, BUT THE PRICE WAS ALWAYS GOING UP. THEY STARTED CHARGING ME TRUST. AFTER THEY HAD TAKEN ALL THE TRUST THAT MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY HAD FOR ME I DIDN’T KNOW WHERE TO GO OR WHAT TO DO.
USUALLY WHEN I WAS BROKE I WOULD GO TO MY MOTHERE AND SHE WOULD GET MY PRIDE AND DIGNITY LEVELS BUILT BACK UP. THEN I WOULD HEAD RIGHT BACK OUT AND SPEND IT ALL AGAIN.
THEN ONE NIGHT MY FATHER CAME TO ME AND EXPLAINED HOW IT ALL WORKED. EACH TIME I MESSED UP MY MOM WOULD RIP HER OWN HEART APART IN ORDER TO FIX MINE. HE PRETTY MUCH TOLD ME THAT FIXING ME WAS TEARING HER APART. AND HE WAS RIGHT.
I DID THE ONLY THING I KNEW TO DO, I HEADDED BACK OUT TO DRINK MORE. IT BECAME A NEVER ENDING CYCLE. I WOULD DRINK AT NIGHT AND HIDE OUT IN THE ATTIC OF MY TEMPLE DURING THE DAY.I WOULD CLIMB WAY BACK INTO THE CORNERS OF THE ATTIC AND STAY THERE WEEKS AT A TIME, JUST SCREAMING INSIDE. SCREAMING AND SCREAMING, “WHY DIDN’T ANYBODY TELL ME I WAS SO UGLY AND WEAK? WHY DID THEY SEND ME OUT INTO THIS WORLD SO DEFENSLESS?” I WOULD STAY IN THERE UNTIL WEEKS TURNED INTO MONTHS, ALL THE WHILE NEVER LETTING ANYONE SEE ANYTHING BUT A CLOWNS FACE. I SOLD EVERYTHING OUT OF MY TEMPLE FOR BAALE. ALL I HAD LEFT WAS AN EMPTY SHELL. I WAS HUNGRY, ALWAYS SO HUNGRY. I GOT ACCUSTOMED TO THE DARKNESS AND I GREW TO DETEST THE LIGHT.I WOULD OCCASIONALLY STILL SEE THE ROCK PEOPLE AT THE FOUNTAIN, OFFERING THEIR SEEDS BUT I WOULD THINK TO MYSELF, HOW COULD A FEW SEEDS FILL THIS EMPTY CENTER?
FINALLY I COULDN’T STAND THE LIGHT AT ALL. I RETURNED HOME COLD AND HUNGRY AND COMPLETELY EMPTY. I DECIDED I WANTED NO LIGHT, I EVEN DECIDED TO CUT THE WIRES LEADING INTO MY TEMPLE AND TO CUT THE WIRES GOING UP TO THE ATTIC. I FIGURED THIS WOUOLD LEAD TO TOTAL DARKNESS AND THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT I WANTED. I GOT A RAZOR AND I CUT THE WIRES, THEN I LAYED DOWN ON THE ATTIC FLOOR. I WAS COLD AND HUNGRY. I WAS WAITING AND HOPING TO FREEZE TO DEATH. I WAITED AND WAITED BUT NOTHING HAPPENED. I WAS SO HUNGRY. I THRASHED AROUND ON THE FLOOR AND SCREAMED,”GOD HELP ME, SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!”
MY FOOT BUMPED UP AGAINST A ROCK IN THE ATTIC. IT WAS KIND OF FUNNY THAT I NEVER NOTICED THIS ROCK RIGHT THERE IN THE ROOM WITH ME THE WHOLE TIME. THE WIND BLEW IN THROUGH THE CURTAINS THAT WERE FULL OF HOLES, AND THEY SHOOK LIKE A GHOST. I SUDDENLY NOTICED A SEED SITTING ON THE ROCK. MY STOMACH GROWLED SO I ATE THE SEED AND LAY BACK DOWN. I PUT MY FEET UP AGAINST THE ROCK AND OPENED MY EYES, I THINK FOR THE FIRST TIME. HIGH UP ON THE WALL I SAW A NARROW DOORWAY THAT I HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE. I STOOD UP AND CLIMBED ONTO THE ROCK TO OPEN THE DOOR.
LOOKING THROUGH THE DOORWAY, I SAW THE SUN RISE. IT BURNED SO BRIGHT AND POWERFUL INSIDE THE ROOM THAT MY CANDLE ERUPTED INTO A BRIGHT FLAME. IT LIT UP THE WHOLE TEMPLE. THE SEED IN MY BELLY GREW INSIDE OF ME INSTANTLY LIKE A NEW HEART. MY TEMPLE BECAME BRIGHT AND SHINY AND BEAUTIFUL.
LOOKING OUT I COULD SEE PEOPLE WALKING AROUND IN THEIR OWN DARKNESS. I WANTED THESE PEOPLE TO SHINE LIKE ME SO I TURNED MY TEMPLE INTO A LIGHT HOUSE AND PAINTED ONTO IT IN BIG BOLD BRIGHT BLOODRED LETTERS L-O-V-E.

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heinzs
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how the sun shined on my temple

Post by heinzs » Fri Apr 19, 2002 12:54 am

Beautiful story. Hard to read in all caps. Do you have a version in lower case? Also would be easier to read if double spaced at paragraph breaks. Easier on these old eyes *grin*

[img]images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

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gordy
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how the sun shined on my temple

Post by gordy » Fri Apr 19, 2002 3:54 am

sorry bout the all caps and the mising paragraphs, i will know better next time.thanx for the help.

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Moongem
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how the sun shined on my temple

Post by Moongem » Sun May 12, 2002 11:48 pm

Amazing! [img]images/smiles/icon_smile.gif[/img] I feel I want more out of the last few paragraphs, tho, more how you "felt" after the seed-eating, like the wonderful descriptions of the "baaleful" period. "How" were you filled? What were the feelings of the "Fillness"? The feelings of LOVE?

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gordy
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how the sun shined on my temple

Post by gordy » Tue May 14, 2002 6:27 pm

moongem......well i havent lived much of that part yet....this is actually a parable of my life before i got saved and became a christian. the cutting of the wires was my suicide attempt and well i think you are right tho i need to start working on part two because it has been FIVE YEARS now hmmmmmmi am starting to get an idea...i gotta go. thanx

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negatvone
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Post by negatvone » Tue Feb 07, 2006 5:15 am

Yo, Gordy. How about not all caps? My eyes went null when trying to read. I made it past..... a glance.

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gordy
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Post by gordy » Tue Feb 07, 2006 8:11 am

this was one of the first few things i posted and i didnt know the internet etiquette yet..........and i never have had the time to go back and retype it..............sorry :mrgreen:
-----------------------------
Image

My Jesus hung out with thieves and sluts and liars, which Jesus do you worship?

---Todd Agnew


Perfection is my enemy
Procrastination is his cohort
Persistence is my sword

---Gordy

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nekot
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Post by nekot » Thu Mar 01, 2007 10:21 am

Beautiful allegory Gordy. :crying: > the part about cutting the wires. I'm thankful you are still with us. :angel:

"OTHERS WOULD THROW PIECES OF THE ROCK AT YOU TRYING TO SCARE YOU DOWN THE NARROW WAY. STILL OTHERS WERE THROWING PIECES OF THE ROCK AT EACH OTHER AND YOU COULDN’T REALLY GET ANYWHERE CLOSE OR YOU WOULD GET HIT. THEY WERE PREVENTING MANY PEOPLE FROM GETTING TO THE NARROW PATH. THESE ROCK THROWERS WERE USUALLY THE ONES WHO HAD HUGE HOARDS OF SEEDS BUT THEY WOULDN’T GIVE THEM TO ANYONE, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU BEGGED."

I especially like this part. I don't like religion, as I define it. The above allegorizes what I think of when I think of religion. I realize "religion" (like the word "Christian") can mean different things to different people. I endeavor to put myself in the other person's moccasins to try to grasp their point of view to keep from hardening or becoming judgmental when a person speaks of "religion."

I dunno, I think at the final judgment of days, we will be in for quite a few surprises. :wink:

Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. :bow:
~eloquently scattered~
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gordy
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Post by gordy » Thu Mar 01, 2007 12:54 pm

march tenth marks the tenth anniversarry of my failed suicide attempt.........amazing what god has done in ten years......simply amazing :angel:

thank you for commenting nekot :mrgreen:
-----------------------------
Image

My Jesus hung out with thieves and sluts and liars, which Jesus do you worship?

---Todd Agnew


Perfection is my enemy
Procrastination is his cohort
Persistence is my sword

---Gordy

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gordy
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Re: how the sun shined on my temple

Post by gordy » Thu Oct 28, 2010 5:38 pm

:mrgreen:
-----------------------------
Image

My Jesus hung out with thieves and sluts and liars, which Jesus do you worship?

---Todd Agnew


Perfection is my enemy
Procrastination is his cohort
Persistence is my sword

---Gordy

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heinzs
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Re: how the sun shined on my temple

Post by heinzs » Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:04 pm

I turned off the autopruner so there will be a lot of older stuff still out there to be retrieved and revisited. Sometimes it's good to visit an old friend.

:hello:
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gordy
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Re: how the sun shined on my temple

Post by gordy » Fri Oct 29, 2010 3:17 am

heinzs wrote:I turned off the autopruner so there will be a lot of older stuff still out there to be retrieved and revisited. Sometimes it's good to visit an old friend.

:hello:

thanks heinz! :thumbsup:
-----------------------------
Image

My Jesus hung out with thieves and sluts and liars, which Jesus do you worship?

---Todd Agnew


Perfection is my enemy
Procrastination is his cohort
Persistence is my sword

---Gordy

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