What do you do when you know you must travel down into the belly of the beast?
EH? Anyone? No takers?
Well my good people, you look the devil in the eyes with your best "F*** YOU" stare and delve into the belly and pray that you are strong enough to conquer what ever is thrown your way.
Who is the "devil" I'm sure you are asking? I guess life. Could be more than just life, could be people in your life who live to make your life difficult, situations in life, as in ancient bible stories, the devil can in fact take on what ever form it so wishes.
I'm not getting biblical here, you people know me too well to think I'd sit here and preach about the evil red devil with horns and a pitchfork like the picture on a can of Underwood Ham. When I'm having a tough time in life I like to make up metaphors for everything because it makes me feel better, so I'm sharing and rationalizing with you in hopes that it works this time. Usually I over analyze too much and give up, but I'm tired of it all and something has to be done.
This morning on the way to work for some strange reason I floated off in my imagination back to Jr. High.
Oh that glorious awkward time in a teenagers life where puberty sets in and hormones are raging and also confused. I remembered how I took on "devils" thrown at me during that time and how I reacted to them. Then I realized....LIGHT BULB!...I am acting like that same insecure, shy teenage girl that I have tried so hard to forget about. I do the same thing now as I did 10 years ago when an awkward or uncomfortable situation was thrust into my lap. I avoided conflict and pretended nothing was wrong. Did anything get solved? Well HELL NO!
Then I had another epiphany.
Where did that head strong, confident young woman go? I think I used to be her but right now I feel about 13 so I'm not sure. Somewhere along this journey of life I lost her and damnit, its time to get her back.
How will I do that?
Take the freaking doormat off my forehead and stop taking it! NO MORE!
Why smother years of overcoming my obstacles only to let them topple back on top of me? How ridicilious is that?
This is not Jr. High or high school anymore and my co workers are just that. My co workers. So why am I letting the ones who are still pretending to be in high school affect me so? Hell if I know but its not going to happen anymore.
And not just with them, with anything in life. How we deal with these situations will undoubtely affect us in the future when similiar occourances arise. I've been here before, I know how to handle this, everything will be fine. A xanax and bloody mary cocktail would help, but I don't have that in my reach so I'll take my devils head-on and butt heads with them and scrap with them and be determined to come out the victor!
Now that you have read my pep talk to myself, know that this can be applied to anyone, anywhere. Do you think I write this stuff to see how fast I can type? It's super fast if you were wondering, but no. I write down all my thoughts and feelings and concerns becuase I know I'm not the only person on this planet with these probelms. I hope that my ramblings help someone, somewhere, somehow, and just knowing that, even if I never really know for sure, make it all worth while. We are all different in many ways, but we are also all very alike.
Peace out.
Till next time, remember, remember the 5th of November!
V for Vendetta? Anyone seen it? Great movie. I highly reccomend it.
