Explanation of Life...

Post by **heinzs** » Wed May 21, 2003 12:35 am

Explanation of Life...

On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty."

And God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten."

So God agreed. (sigh).

On the third day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span." Monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"

And God agreed, again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty cow gave back, and the ten dog gave back and the ten monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay, said God. You've got a deal."

So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy, and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.

Life has now been explained.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> Got this in my email. Thought you'd all like a giggle.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

Ven · Post by **Ven** » Wed May 21, 2003 1:59 am

Hahaha .. I gotta tell my husband that one <img border="0" alt="[BeerChug]" title="" src="graemlins/beerchug.gif" />
Thanks for the giggle <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

Post by **bags123** » Wed May 21, 2003 5:38 am

burdick · Post by **burdick** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 4:13 am

just got to this one....great!

:pimp:

preston · Post by **preston** » Fri Sep 26, 2003 6:20 am

so do we blame our predicament on god or is it our own fault

Post by **moonflower** » Sat Sep 27, 2003 7:50 pm

this is cute!..made me smile..

Post by **jeannerené** » Sat Oct 04, 2003 11:22 pm

burdick · Post by **burdick** » Sun Oct 19, 2003 7:12 am

Subject: A Texan, A Californian and a Wheat Beer-drinkin' Oregonian

A Texan, a Californian, and an Oregonian are out riding horses.

The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle of whiskey, takes a long draught,
then suddenly throws it into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the
bottle in mid-air. The Californian looks at him and says, "What are you
doing? That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!" The Texan says, "In
Texas, there is plenty of whiskey and the bottles are cheap."

A while later, not wanting to be outdone, the Californian pulls out a bottle
of champagne, takes a few sips, throws the bottle into the air, pulls out
his gun and shoots it in mid-air. The Oregonian can't believe his eyes,
"What the heck did you do that for? That was a perfectly good bottle of
champagne!" The Californian says, "In California, we have plenty of
champagne and bottles are cheap."

A while later, the Oregonian pulls out a bottle of Widmer Hefeweizen. He
opens it, takes a sip, and then chugs the whole bottle. He puts the bottle
in his saddle bag, pulls out his gun, and shoots the Californian. The
Texan, shocked, says, "Why the hell did you do that?"

The Oregonian replies, "In Oregon, we have plenty of Californians and the
bottles are worth a nickel."

kuperian4ever · Post by **kuperian4ever** » Fri Nov 07, 2003 4:16 pm

Heinzs and Burdic..both great posts. I'm still laughing.
However, burdic..you should place your post as it's own
topic so it will stand on it's own.

Great fun. Thanks

Leysa · Post by **Leysa** » Mon Nov 10, 2003 2:45 pm

Both too funny. And I love Hefeweizen -- I wouldn't shoot it either! Bark, Bark!

Topics I've started · Post by **heinzs** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 9:06 pm

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 4:35 pm

Oh Heinz this is too much...

Now this is one to share with so many...incredible you are..

Eternum 1 · Post by **Eternum 1** » Mon Jun 06, 2005 2:48 pm

I don't intend to bark I'll just turn on the sprinklers when someone enters the yard

BroMike · Post by **BroMike** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 2:04 pm

But now I've read Heinz 3:16....it was pretty good, too!

Maybe not on a par with Proverbs, but not too far off the mark, either!

Thanks, Heinz!

Post by **moonflower** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 9:45 pm

Poetry Pages