HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Moderator: thief of dreams
- nekot
- Poetry Piper
- Posts: 1568
- Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2007 10:11 pm
- Location: North Carolina, USA
- Contact:
HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on
the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.
Nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before
the
beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy
to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie
down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don't press any buttons. You'll just mess it up.
This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.
You can do your part by remembering to contact at least
one unstable person to show you care.
(Well, my job is done your turn...)
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on
the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.
Nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before
the
beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy
to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie
down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don't press any buttons. You'll just mess it up.
This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.
You can do your part by remembering to contact at least
one unstable person to show you care.
(Well, my job is done your turn...)
- Moushka
- Blue Sea Poet
- Posts: 544
- Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2007 3:48 pm
- Tag line: Trusting God
- Location: Anchorage, Alaska
- Contact:
Re: HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
I'm all of the above (except blonde and I find they hang up on me because my self esteem is a little excessive (manic)) but you have turned over this great honor to a very eager, dutiful person and I won't let you down but before I start...........whiskey for my crew, and beer for my horses....
Stuck on Number 2. Learning to begin.
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action
- buttterflies
- Jasmine Queen
- Posts: 394
- Joined: Sun Feb 08, 2004 9:17 pm
- Location: NY ...sometimes...
Re: HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
this is really funny.
"To be one, to be united is a great thing. But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater." -Bono (U2)
"You have no choice of subject matter. You write what's in your heart and on your mind unless of course it's crap in which case it means you've thought about it too much." -Bono
* *
"You have no choice of subject matter. You write what's in your heart and on your mind unless of course it's crap in which case it means you've thought about it too much." -Bono
* *
- Duchess
- The Irish Rose
- Posts: 356
- Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2003 12:01 am
- Location: Beech Island, SC/Augusta, GA
- Contact:
Re: HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
thats awesome
"Our minds create our realities based on our perceptions and how we view our world..." "In crazy mans world, everyone else is insane and he is the only sane one"
Both said by My Georgia Muse
I miss my baby...R.I.P Chyna
~*}i{*Duchess*}i{*~
I wish to live in a world where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned.
Both said by My Georgia Muse
I miss my baby...R.I.P Chyna
~*}i{*Duchess*}i{*~
I wish to live in a world where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned.
- Silence Nightingale
- Clearwater Poet
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2007 4:26 pm
- Location: crying in the rain
- Contact:
Re: HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
haha that's awesome!
I just wanna hide
I just wanna erase the past
And just curl up inside
I don't wanna see the world go round
I wanna go back to bed
Sleep till the pain dissappears
I wanna be with you again
- Moushka
- Blue Sea Poet
- Posts: 544
- Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2007 3:48 pm
- Tag line: Trusting God
- Location: Anchorage, Alaska
- Contact:
Re: HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Last edited by Moushka on Thu Jan 07, 2010 10:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Stuck on Number 2. Learning to begin.
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action
1.Believe 2.Belong 3.Become
1.Awareness 2.Acceptance 3.Action
- MJPease
- Quixotic Rambler
- Posts: 1395
- Joined: Fri Mar 01, 2002 12:01 am
- Location: Clarence Center, NY
Re: HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Like it!
Take me back, so far back, adjust this fate. Afeared lately of pen, in abscence of light. The fear I might stumble upon a plagiarized soul. Wipe this dark slate clean, regain my thought. Add the words that rekindle my depth of soul.
From: Summers Discontent 7-24-02
Sincerely
Michael J Pease
From: Summers Discontent 7-24-02
Sincerely
Michael J Pease
- despicability
- Seafoam Poet
- Posts: 201
- Joined: Tue Oct 26, 2004 2:09 pm
- Location: the name on every gravestone in the garden of the doomed
- Contact:
Re: HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
i have the recorded version of this as my phones ring tone :D
*feels cool now*
apart from it's slightly different and is said by an irish man and stops at 'hang up, all our operators are too busy to talk to you.'
*feels cool now*
apart from it's slightly different and is said by an irish man and stops at 'hang up, all our operators are too busy to talk to you.'
***************************
And so it came to pass
that everything that was
had never come to be
it's a dangerous living this... life...
Did you think that the demon would possess us?
- hockeychickkayla
- Seafoam Poet
- Posts: 239
- Joined: Wed Mar 25, 2009 1:06 pm
- Location: My Own Secret World
Re: HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
hahah! this is freakin awesome!
"I am as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best." -Walt Whitman
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