An After-THAWt

A place for new members to post their poetry so we may get to know them and their poetry better. Caution: may contain mature content or language.
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A place for new members to post their poetry so we may get to know them and their poetry better. NO erotica.
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Travis
The Transformed One
Posts: 463
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An After-THAWt

Post by Travis » Thu Mar 01, 2012 2:21 pm

Go
Be Gone
As you look through me
With piercing, icy blue eyes
You are the wicked northerly wind
A roaring laughter
Blowing blatant bellows
Cutting until i am numb
These scars no longer bleed
They are only cracks
On a slippery shallow surface
But I never saw the warning sign:
“No skating-thin ice”
I fell in
Broken
Bleeding
Feeling the pain once again…

©~Travis
Last edited by Travis on Thu Mar 08, 2012 7:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts. ~Marcus Aurelius

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Eric
A Poet in the Rain
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Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2011 7:44 am
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Location: Webster MA
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Re: An After-THAWt

Post by Eric » Thu Mar 08, 2012 3:05 pm

Pain as follows ... I like it and your style! :bump:
***Poetry Pages Poet of the Month June 2012***
Author Award winning Blizzards of Thought A Book of Reflection March 2011 http://www.blizzardsofthought.com/Image

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Travis
The Transformed One
Posts: 463
Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2012 5:31 pm
Tag line: The Truth Transforms
Location: North Eastern, IN
Contact:

Re: An After-THAWt

Post by Travis » Thu Mar 08, 2012 7:04 pm

Thanks for the comments, Eric! I have often thought of leaving "now" out of the third line from the bottom...tends to have a more of a profound affect!

~Travis
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The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts. ~Marcus Aurelius

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**Member of the Month**
May 2012

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heinzs
The Fat Cat
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Re: An After-THAWt

Post by heinzs » Thu Mar 08, 2012 7:08 pm

I agree... the "now" is superfluous and actually dilutes the impact.

:thumbsup:
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An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
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User avatar
Travis
The Transformed One
Posts: 463
Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2012 5:31 pm
Tag line: The Truth Transforms
Location: North Eastern, IN
Contact:

Re: An After-THAWt

Post by Travis » Thu Mar 08, 2012 7:14 pm

Thanks for the confirmation, Heinzs! It is done! :grin:
************************************************************************************
The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts. ~Marcus Aurelius

************************************************************************************

**Member of the Month**
May 2012

User avatar
Eric
A Poet in the Rain
Posts: 215
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2011 7:44 am
Tag line: Learn this Life
Location: Webster MA
Contact:

Re: An After-THAWt

Post by Eric » Fri Mar 09, 2012 8:27 am

:cheers: Heinz is always good for some critical advice ! lol :P
***Poetry Pages Poet of the Month June 2012***
Author Award winning Blizzards of Thought A Book of Reflection March 2011 http://www.blizzardsofthought.com/Image

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