Hello, waving from Yorkshire

[Yorkie]

While I woldn't call myself an established poet and I can hardly compare myself to poets here I do enjoy making up rhyming poems. I think some frown upon rhyming poetry but I enjoy putting them together. As it is a day of remembrance today, I put together a poem this morning and I am daring to put it on here for others to read
and to hopefully get some feedback, hopefully positive ......so if I may?

Nice to meet you all by the way.

~Yorkie~

[heinzs]

Welcome aboard, Yorkie. I look forward to reading the poem that you have so elegantly advertised.

[Yorkie]

ok here goes

Heavenly Soldier

The soldier who died fighting
Now stood at Heavens gate
Would the Lord embrace him?
He waited for his fate

God now asked the soldier
Do you you deserve a place
Here with these good people
From the human race?

The soldier thinks awhile
Then tells God his thought
No Lord I’m not perfect
But for my fellow man I fought


I carried a gun, I opened fire,
I threw a hand grenade
It truly made me really sad
When I saw a dead man laid

I did all this in the call of duty
Killing was not my choice
The army called me up to fight
Me, and many boys

See dear lord I am not bad
For my country I had to serve
I stood shaking, was petrified
But I couldn’t lose my nerve

The Lord by now had heard enough
His judgement he had made
Come in my son walk through here
Come join the heavenly parade

So now the soldier marches on
Burdens taken from his shoulders
He’s happy in Heaven serving God
With other fallen soldiers

~Yorkie~

[heinzs]

A beautiful tribute for rememberance day indeed. May I move this to our "tribute" forum?

[Yorkie]

Yes most definately, you think it is ok then? I was scared to post it

~Yorkie~

[heinzs]

lol... never fear, dear poet! One's opinion of one's own work is always the most severe. At Poetry Pages we will never make you run a gauntlet based on pre-judged opinion regarding content, form or style. We will be most happy to point out areas in your poetry that might benefit from minor changes but that will never be intended as a judgement but only as a suggestion. In this case your words are well chosen, the situation is clearly depicted with good imagery and the emotive content is quite clear. Can it be "improved"? Of course... I have never met a poem that couldn't benefit from fine tuning or tweaking, including those of well known authors. Is it necessary? Of course not. You have to be the judge and jury on your work. No one else has your personal insight and each of us looks at it from our own perspectives, not yours. The beauty is when your words and our reading communicate your intent. This poem has done that.

Cheers to you, new friend.

[Yorkie]

Well you could knock me down with a feather right now, I am really pleased with that feedback. Like I said earlier putting together rhyming poems make me happy and I write them for my own pleasure and if others enjoy them all the better.

Thank you so much for your input, you have made my day

~Yorkie~

[heinzs]

I think I'll leave this thread here for continuity. You may repost the poem in the Tribute forum under its title.