True to Life Meanderings of a Tortured Soul - 2 (Suicide)

[The Ravyn]

Before:
Also somewhere in the world
In a small ranch style house
In modern suburbia
Where people live out their lives
Going to work
Having back yard bar-b-ques
Flying kites in the park down the street
I sit in my bedroom
On my bed
Where he has taken from me
My childhood
My maidenhood
My happiness
Staring out the window
At the clouds up in the sky
Wishing I could float away
Like they do
Blown by the wind
To far off places
I think back to a time
Before all of this began
I was twelve years old
Can it be only three years ago?
It seems like forever
I watch the clouds listlessly
An occasional tear running down my cheek
Holding the key in my right hand
The key to release
I watch the cars driving by on the street
Other children playing and laughing
On their way to
Somewhere
I wish I could laugh again
Freely
But it is too late for me
I have made my decision
No one else knows
You see, I have changed my attitude so much
In the past three weeks
No more depression
I even smiled
And it didn't seem forced
It almost felt natural to me
I teased my brother
For the first time in what seems like
An eon
We all laughed happily
They all think I am coming out of my 'funk'
And I believe they are right
You see, I have in my right hand
The key
To freedom
To release
To happiness
To oblivion
I open my hand and admire
The straight edges
The shiny metal
So thin, yet so strong
One edge is blunt, with an overlapping piece of metal
That holds it in its handle
The other edge is very sharp
I run my left index finger over the blade
And feel the skin parting
As it cuts into my flesh
I look out the window again
At the clouds
The sun is setting now
Dinner will be ready soon
It is time to unlock my cell
To fly away on the wind
With the clouds
To unknown destinations
I grasp it tightly in my right hand
And drag it slowly across my left wrist
I exclaim as the pain shoots up my arm
But I Keep going
Now I transfer it to my blood covered left hand
And repeat the process
Good! Now I will be free
I lie back on the bed and wait
But someone is here now
Yelling
Screaming
Calling for help
Mom?
It's going to be okay now
Please don't cry
He comes in and sees the mess I have made
He takes off his belt
Will he inflict punishment?
Instead he wraps it around my left arm
Just above the elbow
Pulls it tight
Then he is gone for a moment
But back again very soon
With another belt
He yells at my mother to call
911
Move God damn you!
She goes
Now there is another belt on my right arm
They hurt badly
And he has tightened them as far as they will go
My arms grow numb
And the world fades away to nothingness

Bakersfield, CA 1992

[Tom Watson]

I believe that there are so few comments to this because it so clearly portrays the process, the pain and the resulting desparation, shocking some speechless, left only to contemplate their own decisions.
Thank you for being here for them, and me.

Tom

[The Ravyn]

tom ... yeah ... the stuff i used to write about (this series was written between october '99 and august '01 ... excerpts from my journals) aren't things ppl really want to talk about ... or acknowledge a lot of the time ... thanks for reading and replying!

[Floetry Spades]

Thats deep ,I'm gonna go read the others now....