It's one a.m.

Forum to feature the younger poets. There is some amazing talent here!

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Mellen12
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 79
Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2008 12:27 pm
Location: No where in particular...

It's one a.m.

Post by Mellen12 » Fri Oct 24, 2008 9:57 am

It's one a.m.
It's one a.m.
I'm at the computer
It's one a.m.
I'm at the computer
I can't stop thinking
It's one a.m.
I'm at the computer
I can't stop thinking
About you body
It's one a.m.
I'm at the computer
I can't stop thinking
About you body
How you melt into me
It's one a.m.
I'm at the computer
I can't stop thinking
About you body
How you melt into me
At night
It's one a.m.
I'm at the computer
I can't stop thinking
About you body
How you melt into me
At night
While we're sleeping
It's one a.m.
I'm at the computer
I can't stop thinking
About you body
How you melt into me
At night
While we're sleeping
In your bed
It's one a.m.
I'm at the computer
I can't stop thinking
About you body
How you melt into me
At night
While we're sleeping
In your bed
Spooning
"A woman with the courage to step out into the unknown, risking temporary loneliness for a shot at lasting joy, is more than a "single." She's singular. Instead of defining herself by what she lacks - a relationship with a man - she defines herself by what she has: a relationship with God." ~from Dawn Eden's 'The Thrill of the Chaste'
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Odd D
Seafoam Poet
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Re: It's one a.m.

Post by Odd D » Sun Oct 26, 2008 12:15 am

I like it. Cool way to use the different font colors, and such.

Also, strangely surprising ending. :thumbsup: Excellent job.
"No one ultimately knows what they're saying anyway. Are we really making art? Art doesn't belong to us. It doesn't belong to people, it belongs to the universe. It comes FROM the universe. It comes THROUGH us. When I write something, I think I know what I'm saying, but I never pretend to know the full meaning of the words."
- Serj Tankian
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heinzs
The Fat Cat
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Tag line: Do no harm
Location: Novato, CA
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Re: It's one a.m.

Post by heinzs » Sun Oct 26, 2008 1:01 pm

I love the poem within a poem, the last stanza reiterating the highlighted lines. Very effective, almost classical.
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Mellen12
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 79
Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2008 12:27 pm
Location: No where in particular...

Re: It's one a.m.

Post by Mellen12 » Sun Oct 26, 2008 5:49 pm

Thank you both!!

I really appreciate the comments!

:wink:
"A woman with the courage to step out into the unknown, risking temporary loneliness for a shot at lasting joy, is more than a "single." She's singular. Instead of defining herself by what she lacks - a relationship with a man - she defines herself by what she has: a relationship with God." ~from Dawn Eden's 'The Thrill of the Chaste'
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