Gave you something great & you tore it to pieces

Forum to feature the younger poets. There is some amazing talent here!

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pixie dust
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 89
Joined: Fri Dec 28, 2007 8:27 am
Location: Wadley,Alabama

Gave you something great & you tore it to pieces

Post by pixie dust » Wed Mar 26, 2008 1:37 pm

Gave you something so great,

& You tore it to pieces..

No I lay On the floor &

Cry…

But I make myself raise..

I am not die when You

Did as you did..

I was reborn..

To find the one that will

Be there..

Give what I need…

Hold me when I cry…

Not giving up on me…

….You made me learn

Something, also..

People are not

as they seem!

Thank you ,

This lesson shall stay

Always with me…

O by the way..

I need my heart

Back…

I got to put the

Pieces together..

So I may go on…

With My new life!
Let the light god shin on you

Odd D
Seafoam Poet
Posts: 180
Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2008 7:23 pm
Location: Wherever my mind chooses me to be.
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Re: Gave you something great & you tore it to pieces

Post by Odd D » Wed Mar 26, 2008 3:53 pm

Hello Pixie Dust.
I'm new here, so my opinion is probably not going to be received all that well, but I felt I would share all the same.
I really like the message in the poem, for one. Experiences like that are difficult, and after going through them one should learn to put it behind them and move on. Learn from your mistakes and such, right? Overall, it is a very good poem.
If I may make one constructive criticism, in all hopes that you will not take it personally, I did have one thing that struck me as a bit of a set back in the last few lines. "I got to put the pieces together.." This line seems a little bit cliche, but, again, not too bad.
Great poem, enjoyed reading it! Keep up the good work!
"No one ultimately knows what they're saying anyway. Are we really making art? Art doesn't belong to us. It doesn't belong to people, it belongs to the universe. It comes FROM the universe. It comes THROUGH us. When I write something, I think I know what I'm saying, but I never pretend to know the full meaning of the words."
- Serj Tankian

User avatar
pixie dust
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 89
Joined: Fri Dec 28, 2007 8:27 am
Location: Wadley,Alabama

Re: Gave you something great & you tore it to pieces

Post by pixie dust » Thu Mar 27, 2008 5:54 pm

Thank you!I'm not upset!I'm glad that you pointed it out!Isn't this one of the reason we posted here!lol!You know what I'm saying?
Let the light god shin on you

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