Stranger of Love

Forum to feature the younger poets. There is some amazing talent here!

Post Reply
User avatar
Gingy
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 119
Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2006 2:36 am
Location: Hull, England
Contact:

Stranger of Love

Post by Gingy » Mon Aug 13, 2007 1:17 pm

A hollow heart fills me
When I look in your eyes
How can I love you properly
When you wear a dark disguise?

You shroud glassy globes,
That lead to your soul,
In a thick veil of mist
Like a woman wrapped in a shawl.


Secrets never told are hidden
The heart that beats inside you
Aches with a love now lost
And you carry the burden of a fool.

Empty claims of undying love
Of loyalty and faith you give
But the lies shine through so clear
You realise it's something I can't forgive.

I'm in love with a stranger.
Last edited by Gingy on Tue Sep 25, 2007 10:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
People are going to see you, how they want to see you. Everyone is different and unique in their own way. But the people who love you and care about you, are whose opinions really matter.

User avatar
moonflower
enchanted by the magic
Posts: 2190
Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2002 12:01 am
Location: longview tx

Post by moonflower » Thu Aug 23, 2007 5:32 pm

the last line says it all..great poem! :thumbsup: :grin:
inside each soul there is music...let the music play..

visit my poets page

Image

User avatar
Gingy
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 119
Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2006 2:36 am
Location: Hull, England
Contact:

Post by Gingy » Tue Aug 28, 2007 12:23 pm

thank you Moonflower, I was beginning to think that this poem had been thrown on the rubbish heap lol.
People are going to see you, how they want to see you. Everyone is different and unique in their own way. But the people who love you and care about you, are whose opinions really matter.

Leysa
Mistress of the South
Posts: 274
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2002 12:01 am
Location: Hot Springs National Park, AR

Post by Leysa » Tue Aug 28, 2007 1:07 pm

I have a small suggestion ...
You shroud glassy globes,
That lead to your soul,
In a thick veil of mist
Like a woman carries a shawl.
for the last line above, perhaps change carries to "wraps" or Like a woman "wrapped in" a shawl -- you get a more vivid picture of the woman wrapped (hidden) in a shawl, and the "w" gives alliteration.

I like your poem!

User avatar
Tony Fiona
Seafoam Poet
Posts: 174
Joined: Tue May 08, 2007 10:03 am
Location: in memories
Contact:

Post by Tony Fiona » Sat Sep 01, 2007 9:23 am

nice work G
wraps
might make the
verse flow a little easier
great meaning great
emotions :hello:
" There's a race of men that can't stay still
A race that don't fit in
They break the hearts of kith and kin
and roam the world at will. " ------------Robert Service
************************
Image

User avatar
Gingy
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 119
Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2006 2:36 am
Location: Hull, England
Contact:

Post by Gingy » Tue Sep 25, 2007 10:46 am

thanks for the suggestions, the poem has been modified!!

gingy x
People are going to see you, how they want to see you. Everyone is different and unique in their own way. But the people who love you and care about you, are whose opinions really matter.

User avatar
pixie dust
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 89
Joined: Fri Dec 28, 2007 8:27 am
Location: Wadley,Alabama

Re: Stranger of Love

Post by pixie dust » Tue Jan 22, 2008 2:44 pm

:mrgreen: I liked it! :thumbsup:
Let the light god shin on you

Post Reply

Return to “Teen Spirit”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests