through ravens hair

Forum to feature the younger poets. There is some amazing talent here!

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blackbanner
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 111
Joined: Wed May 09, 2007 9:08 pm
Location: US
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through ravens hair

Post by blackbanner » Mon Jun 18, 2007 9:13 pm

Through ravens hair,
cold eyes stare
tempered by hate
and unlucky fate.

Searching upward,
looking skyward.
Gazing all night
until first light.

By dawn he sleeps
while his mother weeps,
another sad day
nothing to say.

When he awakes
eyes like lakes
dripping tears,
wishing for cures.

another day of hell
waiting for the bell
missing him so
wishing he didn't go

A fathers death,
drawn his last breath:
depression
obsession.

Never speaks,
hasn't in weeks.
Missing link;
hearts sink.

Why, why
goodbye?
Always pain,
going insane.








:critique:
Last edited by blackbanner on Mon Jul 09, 2007 10:16 am, edited 2 times in total.
"so now he waits
in his own little hell
surrounded by the
the very things he came to escape"
BlackBanner

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jeannerené
Winter's Rose
Posts: 686
Joined: Thu Jul 04, 2002 12:01 am
Location: CA

Post by jeannerené » Mon Jun 18, 2007 10:42 pm

...blackbanner....

...first check the beginning of poem ... javascript text somehow got copied...

...there is a lot being said in this write .... it is deeply emotional and honest ... I find it very compelling, and the simply cry of pain and loneliness catches and captures the reader heart....

... very nice ....

... jeanne...
... and his words purge up and outward,
expelled and onward through desert dust swallowed,
sands he says that gorge on simple sensibilities.
And, now he spits fragments, grit, extended vowels and elongated syllables
over cracked lips. Their sounds fall
piling round his boots…
~ jeannerené

Image

~breathe~


flickr -jeannerene photostream

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blackbanner
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 111
Joined: Wed May 09, 2007 9:08 pm
Location: US
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Post by blackbanner » Tue Jun 19, 2007 6:26 am

oh whoops yeah I forgot. thanks again! :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
"so now he waits
in his own little hell
surrounded by the
the very things he came to escape"
BlackBanner

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Debbie
God's Poetess
Posts: 2266
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 3:40 pm
Location: Ontario Canada

blackbanner

Post by Debbie » Thu Jul 05, 2007 4:04 pm

this poem makes me hear the cry of ones lonely heart..painful and sad and full of emotion... :thumbsup:
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Reach Out And Love Someone
Slow Down And Look around
You Will Find Someone Who Needs You.....

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blackbanner
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 111
Joined: Wed May 09, 2007 9:08 pm
Location: US
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Post by blackbanner » Sun Jul 08, 2007 12:14 pm

thats what i was trying to get across so thats good..
"so now he waits
in his own little hell
surrounded by the
the very things he came to escape"
BlackBanner

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moonflower
enchanted by the magic
Posts: 2190
Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2002 12:01 am
Location: longview tx

Post by moonflower » Sun Jul 08, 2007 12:23 pm

this is heart-touching!.. and i agree..the painful emotions really come through..makes the reader cry.. :thumbsup: :grin:
inside each soul there is music...let the music play..

visit my poets page

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blackbanner
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 111
Joined: Wed May 09, 2007 9:08 pm
Location: US
Contact:

Post by blackbanner » Sun Jul 08, 2007 12:24 pm

thank you.
"so now he waits
in his own little hell
surrounded by the
the very things he came to escape"
BlackBanner

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Gertrude
Clearwater Poet
Posts: 58
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 4:08 pm
Location: Anchorage

Post by Gertrude » Sun Jul 08, 2007 3:20 pm

Been there, done that, God pulled me through, for those about to rock, we salute you........
Gertrude the Groupie loves the groups that are provided at the counseling center

Gertrude the Groupie wants to be the Queen of the Silver Dollar

Gertrude the Groupie wants to go to the Freakers Ball

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