What happened with Girl X

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What happened with Girl X

Post by PaulCradle » Tue Dec 10, 2013 9:48 pm

“What Happened With Girl X”

My whole face was numb.
I couldn’t even feel my legs when I walked.
Everything sounded strange like in a balloon,
It had to be the worst weather all year by far,
But it was the most perfect day.
I couldn’t feel the rain drops.
The wind just marked the occasion.
Umbrella just for convention.
I went back to that park
Again and again
Just to remember you more, even more.
And even told you so.
I looked under that bench.
There had to be our house here somewhere.
Were those kids I heard? Kids’ kids?
What was it? 100 years or more?
Oh, it was ages and all in bliss.
It had to be. I felt the time.
Now I realize, like a slap in the face,
It wasn’t that long.
What, a half hour?
And somehow, we forgot to have sex even.
It was that good.

Now if only
I could learn to cope
With the plainness
Of everything

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The Fat Cat
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Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2001 12:01 am
Tag line: Do no harm
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Re: What happened with Girl X

Post by heinzs » Mon Dec 16, 2013 10:26 am

I like this exactly the way it is written. I'm sure you could always tighten it up a bit, but I am not an ardent follower of the "less is better" principle. Sometimes you need the space to create the scene.

Thanks for posting. Sorry it's taken me so long to approve the post but I've been ill.

An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
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