I'm no professional writer so keep that in mind. This leaves me wondering what the third person is talking about. The teen, her admirer or her situation. Seems like it should say something like "he watches from the window of the house they share" instead of the wording you chose. (though the description you used leads to thoughts of sexual interest on his part, and in America most teens live with thier parents not thier lovers, so theres that whole thing).
Hope H was wrong about you. you could be welcome here for honest sharing just eliminate the links.
but aint no administrator sooooooo
Read & Critique. Third Person Short Story, Help?
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Re: Read & Critique. Third Person Short Story, Help?
Linda Lee
almost human.
almost human.
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Re: Read & Critique. Third Person Short Story, Help?
lol. You are a kind lady, Linda. He's a habitual spammer who tries to remain "alive" on the pages by posting some drivel, but his only purpose is to present a commercial weblink, which I have removed. He can visit to view this but he can no longer participate. I defy him to figure out what I changed his password to.
An' it harm none, do what ye will. Blessed Be.
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Re: Read & Critique. Third Person Short Story, Help?
Its an ancient celtic swear word I'm guessing. get him H.
Linda Lee
almost human.
almost human.
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