Life Blood

[starfire]

Neon lighting,
shines so bright,
Sky by day,
Stars by night.

Heart soars with them,
In the sky,
Name them all,
Start to fly.

Falling downward
Heart comes to,
Soul jets up,
In the blue.

Eerie shadows,
cast their spell,
With in me,
Dark shall dwell.

Hatred ripping,
Through my soul,
With my heart,
Black as coal.

Daylight comes to
Stop the night,
No regrets,
Start to fight.

Heart is damaged,
No repair,
Help then comes,
Unaware.

Mystified by
Love and strength,
With him I'll
Go the length.

Never ending,
Love abides,
Never stop,
Coincide.

Note: Poem stops suddenly because it is not done. I will add to it as my life goes on.

-Star

[negatvone]

Excellent rhyme-scheme and flow. It goes from point a to b to c and never lost a stable train of thought.

[almost]

Hey,

This was good. I actually liked how the poem ended.

Coincidence.

It was like the perfect one word ending. Again, the poem flowed very well and the rhyming was excellent.

For the sake of punctutation i don't think you need any of the commas that you have.

And in this one stanza

Mystified by
Love and strength,
With him I'll
Go the length.

I the word "i'll" could be moved down to the beggining of the next line. Because the last line is missing a syllable.

Overall, it was pretty good.

Keep on writing in the free world.

[MJPease]

Hello starfire, It will be very interesting to witness the advance of this ongoing saga. Take Care