Poetry Pages

Last I heard Jim was bringing the beans and Gillian was bringing the fruitcake. You and I were chipping in for the Rum.

Just give me a damn shot. I got the beans.

Ahoy Matey! ho ho ho and a bottle of rum. Is that Santa Claus.

I still haven't gotten any beans,... and I've been waiting very patiently.

no beans but if you're still wanting critique i'll have a skeg later tonight...

nin

Please Nin,...have at it. I've only been waiting almost a year,... so when ever you have a spare minute or two will be fine. I think this one's so old we should actually schedule a colonoscopy for it. I'm having mine this coming Friday,... by the way. Just thought I'd throw that in indiscriminitly .

thanks for sharing ;)

reminds me have you ever seen comedian Dennis Wolfberg's stand-up routine about the colonoscopy?

bags123 wrote:The Politics Of Poetry

The politics of poetry is read,
by critical assessment's tempered tongues
Sharp pens have written sonnets now and then,
to post here for approval yet again.

The politics of poetry is said,
by typing some endorsement on the web
Where poets leave a poem composed alone
In hopes of comments where they've left it shown.

A liberal poet reader may pretend
to praise the right wing meter of a friend
Writes accolades before his mouse hits send,
then wonders why such words always offend.

Conservatives who share poetic zeal
Are often know to pen Gospel appeals
From pulpits high above poet's ideals
Their verse is mostly dealing with last meals

And moderates can never find their voice
Perhaps their indecision is their choice.

(spelling correction in bold)

First, let me say I really like this poem!

Capitals & Punctuation...i've said it a few times here, but i'll say it again :) in modern poetry, even metered and rhymed poetry, using an initial capital at the start of each new line is considered archaic. Capitals should be reserved for proper names and the first word after a full stop - basic sentence structure. Of course, you could be wanting an archaic feel to your poem, in which case, leave it ;) I noticed though, that you don't consistently capitalise each line, so it made me wonder if you had in some instances left out a full stop where there is a line break?

eg: The politics of poetry is read,
by critical assessment's tempered tongues should there be a full stop here?
Sharp pens have written sonnets now and then,
to post here for approval yet again.

Meter: Your meter is bang on! Nigh on perfect iambic pentameter! My only nit to pick is the lines 3 & 4 of stanza 2 :

Where poets leave a poem composed alone
In hopes of comments where they've left it shown.

the meaning here is a bit unclear. No, that's not it, I know you're referring to posting poems on a poetry forum for comments, but the lines feel awkward, despite their good meter. Perhaps some punctuation would help?

Rhyme: your poem is inconsistent in the rhyme scheme. You have used this scheme: abcc adcc eeee ffff gg Now, there is nothing inherently wrong with your rhyme scheme, it's just that with such a strong iambic pentameter in the lines, a stronger rhyme scheme "feels" right. Some schemes that work well with iambic pentameter are abba abba cdecde or abab cdcd efef gg or even rhyming couplets.

I think you have a very strong poem here, bags, and it really isn't in need of much tweaking...

Ninian

Thanks Nin,.... excellent suggestions. I'm going to rework this one a little over the course of the week, and repost it here if you wouldn't mind taking a second look when it's complete.

An oldie but an oldie.