Dusk at Death

[Pardoe]

The bitter-crisp knife
edges over April skies

Moon-muddle anger
leaks onto somber night

Still the cherry-ripe sun
is exhumed by shovel

Warm life-blood buried
by tide after wave

Awaking the crisp skin
in multiple-hues of sand.

Extorting another Egypt
from the kiln-dried air

Taking the dying by night
into the shadow of hands.

Changed some stuff here, please read and tell me what you think. (smiling)

[Sailor55]

Bitte- crisp knife (great start! except what’s bitte (bitter maybe?), and do you want a space after the hyphen? )
edged over April sky

Moon-beam blue anger
leaked into somber night (use 'leaks' instead of 'leaked' )

Till the cherry-ripe sun (replace 'Till' with 'Still,' slight change of meaning, I know.)
is exhumed every day ('each' day)

Warm life-blood flowing (I'd say 'Life blood flowing warm')
over wave after wave

Awaking my crisp skin
in multiple-hues of pale ('in pale multi-hues'? but I'm not sure about this)
Extorting another breath
from the kiln-fired air ( I like 'kiln-dried' but its only a preference, that's how we dry wood in BC )

After dying every night (Again, I prefer 'each’, but good close too)
my shadow walks ahead.

I like your stuff Pardoe. I know you put thought into it and that's a huge plus IMHO. I see you only growing stronger.
- Sailor55

[Pardoe]

Your critique is very helpful, thank you. I have made some of the changes you have suggested.

On this line (Warm life-blood flowing ) I worded it this way more for the sound it made when read than for any other reason. I thought it fit better with the meter I was trying for. I don't know figured I would give my point of view to see what response you might have. I like the other way as well but wonder if it hurts the flow of the poem?

As far as (each and ever) I like the suggestion of each but when I read this I wonder if (by) might be a better fix?

Look forward to your opinion and as always thank you for your kindness and your time.

[Sailor55]

I agree with you that 'by' is a better fix than 'each'. Go for it. The things you did change were were those I felt strongly about. The things you didn't were just based on my preferences which are themselves subject to scrutiny. Good judgement my friend, and nice work.

- Sailor

[Pardoe]

Thanks again Sailor. Put the by's in there and changed the last stanza a bit to tie it in better with the above lines. Not sure if it's a good thing or bad. Hmmm

[Pardoe]

You have a very good point. I will consider my options with beam and see what I can come up with.(smiling)