Three and Three
The lives and loves of three and three
have blessed and awed and honored me.
Through their eyes and hearts and smiles
I have shared their dreams and trials.
Though I long to touch each one
my time with them has long been done.
So from beyond I shall o'ersee
the joys and prides of three and three.
The other version is pretty much the same just some phrasing is different...need a little feedback on which sounds better...they both feel pretty right though...
The lives and loves of three and three
of'en bless and honor me.
Through their eyes and hearts and smiles
I have shared their dreams and trials.
Though my time has long since gone
I remain with each one.
And from afar I shall o'ersee
the joys and prides of three and three.
two versions of one poem...can't decide on one
Moderator: moonflower
Forum rules
This forum is for poems that are in tribute to an event, tragedy, person, etc.
This forum does not autoprune.
This forum is for poems that are in tribute to an event, tragedy, person, etc.
This forum does not autoprune.
- Tom Watson
- Forever Silent Friend
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two versions of one poem...can't decide on one
On their own these are each wonderful writes.
Number 1: Offers itself up in a spiritually mystical tone. To me the flow presents itself as the musings and thoughts of a guardian angel.
Number 2: Offers itself as a statement of protective love made with determination from beyond.
I tend to lean toward the spiritual <img border="0" alt="[Angel]" title="" src="graemlins/angel.gif" />
That you could present the same poem in two different moods like this shows a lot of talent, in my estimation, and, for that I <img border="0" alt="[BowDown]" title="" src="graemlins/notworthy.gif" /> to you Kada.
Dr. Watson
Number 1: Offers itself up in a spiritually mystical tone. To me the flow presents itself as the musings and thoughts of a guardian angel.
Number 2: Offers itself as a statement of protective love made with determination from beyond.
I tend to lean toward the spiritual <img border="0" alt="[Angel]" title="" src="graemlins/angel.gif" />
That you could present the same poem in two different moods like this shows a lot of talent, in my estimation, and, for that I <img border="0" alt="[BowDown]" title="" src="graemlins/notworthy.gif" /> to you Kada.
Dr. Watson
- kuperian4ever
- Seafoam Poet
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- Joined: Fri Aug 01, 2003 12:01 am
- Tag line: Know it Poet
- Location: Boise, Idaho
two versions of one poem...can't decide on one
BOth are pretty well written and concieved. I feel drawn to the first one more than the 2nd as it seems to flow just a bit better and the characters are better defined to me.
As Dr. Watson said above, you have a great talent for writing and I feel fortunate that I was able to read and enjoy this wonderful art.
As Dr. Watson said above, you have a great talent for writing and I feel fortunate that I was able to read and enjoy this wonderful art.
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