two versions of one poem...can't decide on one

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Kada
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two versions of one poem...can't decide on one

Post by Kada » Wed Aug 06, 2003 3:50 pm

Three and Three


The lives and loves of three and three
have blessed and awed and honored me.
Through their eyes and hearts and smiles
I have shared their dreams and trials.
Though I long to touch each one
my time with them has long been done.
So from beyond I shall o'ersee
the joys and prides of three and three.


The other version is pretty much the same just some phrasing is different...need a little feedback on which sounds better...they both feel pretty right though...


The lives and loves of three and three
of'en bless and honor me.
Through their eyes and hearts and smiles
I have shared their dreams and trials.
Though my time has long since gone
I remain with each one.
And from afar I shall o'ersee
the joys and prides of three and three.

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Tom Watson
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two versions of one poem...can't decide on one

Post by Tom Watson » Wed Aug 06, 2003 8:51 pm

On their own these are each wonderful writes.

Number 1: Offers itself up in a spiritually mystical tone. To me the flow presents itself as the musings and thoughts of a guardian angel.

Number 2: Offers itself as a statement of protective love made with determination from beyond.

I tend to lean toward the spiritual <img border="0" alt="[Angel]" title="" src="graemlins/angel.gif" />
That you could present the same poem in two different moods like this shows a lot of talent, in my estimation, and, for that I <img border="0" alt="[BowDown]" title="" src="graemlins/notworthy.gif" /> to you Kada.


Dr. Watson

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kuperian4ever
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two versions of one poem...can't decide on one

Post by kuperian4ever » Fri Aug 08, 2003 8:34 am

BOth are pretty well written and concieved. I feel drawn to the first one more than the 2nd as it seems to flow just a bit better and the characters are better defined to me.

As Dr. Watson said above, you have a great talent for writing and I feel fortunate that I was able to read and enjoy this wonderful art.

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Debbie
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Kada

Post by Debbie » Wed Apr 27, 2005 4:03 pm

I enjoyed both of these poems..
wonderful work
Image

Reach Out And Love Someone
Slow Down And Look around
You Will Find Someone Who Needs You.....

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