Luck of The Draw

Love poems and poems of romantic interest (not erotica).

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Love poems and poems of romantic interest (not erotica).
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audiofool
Blue Sea Poet
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Location: Michigan

Luck of The Draw

Post by audiofool » Wed Jul 05, 2017 10:46 pm

I thank my stars
the luck of the draw
happenstance
my only flaw

I ask myself
why are we here?
if I close my eyes
I could disappear

I'm calling into question
the arc and the span
the sweep of time
a flash in the pan

there's a world outside
that I've never known
the safe and the familiar
a despot overthrown

I shift into neutral
hands off the wheel
teacher tell me how
I'm supposed to feel

another ultimatum
with the usual bombast
its one for the ages
and it will be your last

speak your mind
under your breath
the latest iteration
incarnation of death

I'm calling into question
high-minded authority
time-tested solutions
don't work for me

I ask myself
why am I here?
if you close your eyes
your problems disappear

a world outside
if the rumors are true
a leap into the unknown
like a bolt from the blue.
Last edited by audiofool on Sun Jul 16, 2017 2:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

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audiofool
Blue Sea Poet
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Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2009 4:35 am
Location: Michigan

Re: Luck of The Draw

Post by audiofool » Wed Jul 05, 2017 10:48 pm

Doesn't read like it, but it's about the slow dissolution of a long-term relationship.

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heinzs
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Re: Luck of The Draw

Post by heinzs » Fri Jul 14, 2017 12:35 am

Make it longer to emphasize the slowness, and put some of the original positives at the top, then grade them down to the closing. I think it has great potential.
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audiofool
Blue Sea Poet
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Location: Michigan

Re: Luck of The Draw

Post by audiofool » Sun Jul 16, 2017 2:15 am

Thank you, heinzs. See revised.

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