Shaz

[shaz]

<a name="#017"> Bro' </a>

We hold on to our memories,
we tried to make them real,
But you didn't see how it couldn't happen,
How over the time away - you'd changed.
We grew older, and we grew apart,
We forgot how each other exist,
Now a void in my daily thoughts,
Empty - but unlike before, not missed.

But when I read that statement that for just one second,
Ties us together and we feel the bond,
It's there, what I have unknowingly missed the most,
You've changed, We've grown. But you're still there.

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[shaz]

<a name="#018"> Who We Are </a>

Look at me now! Do I look the same?
Do you see a naive young girl now?
Do you see the tears in my heart?
Or the scratch on my soul?
Look at me! Don't turn away -
Face me now and explain.
Look in my eyes and tell me your lies,
Can you face the truth? See what you've made of me?
Do you see into my mind - can you see past my eyes?
Face up to me - tell me why,
Tell me how you could do it.
Look at me - Dare you...
Catch my gaze?

Look at my stance - Not going to stand down to you,
I refuse to let you win again; I refuse to let you in.
Who do you see when you're in front of me?
Who do you lie to - me?
Or won't you face the truth?
The truth of yourself, You're not so big,
Who's the stronger of the two?

Who's got the courage to start again and defend her heart?
Who seeks endless questions through deceit and pretence?
Try to hurt me now. I'm not going to look down.
Eye to Eye, Look at me. Who am I now?

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[shaz]

<a name="#019"> Lifetime Debt </a>

She sits alone in a smokey room
And stares at her eternal doom,
Knowing how it started, not how it'll end -
Trying hard to make her broken heart mend.
People always told her to be good,
To listen to her parents as she should.
But she was happy and her mind was free -
Just how she always dreamed one day it would be.

She didn't know her luck had gone away,
Didn't know she would see this day,
Lost the feelings she thought she felt -
Lost the cards she had been delt.

She looks again, like a small child,
Sweet, innocent, carefree and mild,
Tried to live out her childhood dream.
Learnt that dreams aren't always as they seem.

She didn't know it would turn this way,
That for her love she would have to pay.
"It's not fair", she said to me.
I said to her, "What will be, will be."

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[shaz]

<a name="#020"> Mama </a>

Walked away, sunny midweek day,
Turned around without a word more to say,
And through all the years you just couldn't see,
You didn't care that I was Me.
Mama, listen to me,
Mama, see me please,
Mama, do you taste my tears,
Mama, why won't you know?
Mama, why don't you care?

You didn't care that I was me,
You didn't know, didn't want to see,
All those tears I cried in solitude,
With you in front of me.

Mama, listen to me,
Mama, see me please,
Mama, do you taste my tears?
Mama, don't you want to know?
Don't you want to care?

Too blind to give a damn,
Too blind to ever care,
And it's too late now to unbreak and repair,
It was you who tore me up,
It was you who didn't care.

Walked away one sunny day,
Walked away with nothing more to say,
Through the years you just didn't see,
Didn't want to know, didn't want to...

Mama, listen to me,
Mama, see these tears?
Mama, reach out to me,
Mama, why don't you see?
Mama, why won't you care?
Mama, you don't know,
Mama, please?

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[shaz]

<a name="#021"> Crazy World </a>

A place where we leave before we arrive,
Where a child smiles before the child cries,
In a place where darkness fills the morning room,
I'll wait and watch under the golden moon.

People rush backwards, no intent, just move,
Half made rolls, fly out of the trash,
The book left unread in an abandoned Childs room,
Echoes with laughter, silence the doom.

Crossed legged on the A road,
Wind created pulls me parallel to where I don't see,
Embrace my insanity, embracing eternity,
Headlights grow bigger, eveloping my soul.

Lay in the tarmac, askew in my mind,
Silence in frantic, mania in all,
The stillness of the breeze sends shivers down my spine,
And I watch the backwads world still fighting against mine.

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[shaz]

<a name="#022"> FOR ALL THE SMILES AND LIES. </a>

So you say you're not in love with me,
And you say you never were,
You say it means you didn't lie to me,
But, guess what, you're lying to your self.

You say that I confused you,
I made you re think words you only saw,
But all I wanted was to know you were true,
Wanted both you and I to be sure.

And I f****d it up - I only wanted you to think,
And the one time you truly did,
You thought too much, let me believe,
Carried on not letting me in,
Not knowing yourself - unwittingly deceived.

One way or another - you lied to me,
What hurts is that you can't tell me the truth,
And I can see you want to try,
You want there to be closure?
How can I?
Shut my eyes to a window I only saw reflections in.

I blame myself for trusting you, for showing you
My All. I question myself for having faith in my judgement
Simply the thing I hold true and dear.

I had no doubts - no queries or qualms,
Because I searched myself through in, through out,
I guess it's my fault you lied, you deceived me,
Betrayed me - and I cried. Blame it on me, Matt -
I'll self-destruct, okay, it's my life, do what I like -
How can you believe I want to watch through
Painful Sight?

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[shaz]

<a name="#023"> Free </a>

Woken up from my nightmare,
I find all's well and good,
I look around and perceive surreal,
And I cover the darkness -
Pull myself away with ease.

I walk through the clock,
Around and around again,
I don't turn back round,
Won't ever be pulled down,
Holding on tight to hope.

Drifting through each momentous move,
Mind feels free, so free to prove,
The courage and strength locked in me,
And the words that longed to be set free,
Are free. So free.

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_________________________________________

<a name="#024"> Soul Incarnations </a>

It’s cool because I got what I looked for,
But I lost a close friend and more
All I wanted was to meet a mate
I didn’t realise you weren’t true

You know I’ll always follow my Spirit
And my soul searches fort he people it was born with
But to grow, I need you to trust me,
Because in this Life

I know I Love

Past partners may have once known me transparent
But present Life calls for you
To reap the joy of completion and security
In the next world you encounter us
As we stumble through Now

He’s someone I knew well once before
And I hope I’ll know him again
I experienced Love and Truth with him
Let us meet again
When you will unknowingly understand

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<a name="#025"> Mirrored </a>

His heart is a mirror image of the sun,
It shines and radiates warnth in its glow,
Spreads light to thoose who take care to see,
Doubles all that goodness sees.

I looked again and this time it touched me,
It was icy cold - it glared at me,
one dimensional, objective and destines to be
Nothing but what comes to it,
All it is briefly, is what it'll see.

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__________________________________________

<a name="#026"> Matt </a>

There's a sparkle in his eyes again,
I was dazed by it the first time we met,
And as I grew to know him
The sparkle shined brighter,
Though I saw it where I thought no-one else could.

His heart's so boundful
He doesn't waste a moment,
They're spent
In peacful contemplation
Or laughter
That laughter was always there.

He's just the way I always loved him,
I know he'll forever change,
But the essence I fell for is always there
It's why I fel the same.

There must have been a reason, right?
Why else would he have let me be there?
I saw ( I think) what no-one else could,
And I learnt from him, I learnt I could be loved.

I wish I could hear him breathe again,
Feel his safety, be with him again
But he taught me that like anything else
Anyone else
I have to let go.

Our memories of Our world
Is something we will always share,
I hope we will meet again
I'll see you there.

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___________________________________________


<a name="#027"> Share You-Me </a>

Don't wipe my tears away,
Just because they fall on your brow,
They're in the way? From what?
It's me they're blinding
The red raw tear fall
Reflecting my Soul.

I'd have thought they cleasned you,
Helped to clear the way ( just a little)
Does human emotion now escape you?
You can't have forgotten how to cry
In my first photo, there was a tear in your eye.

Look at me, now and then,
I'm not that child in your arms,
The child you carried cries your tears
We share the hurt you can't see you caused,
But You're now dried
I'm ankle deep, sinking fast.

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__________________________________________

<a name="#028"> Re-edited </a>

When the two people I love the most in this world,
Push me away
And i need them to help me stand
What do you expect me to do?

When she knows what she's doing,
Because I cried on her shoulder,
She listened and helped me go on when he broke my heart,
And she's now holding him -
What do you expect me to do?

When he heard me talk of trust,
Of the people who hurt me
He knew it all, yet he's done the same,
He knows how he's making me feel,
What do you expect me to do?

Then there's a guy I don't deserve,
Because he knows he's 'second best',
he takes it all and holds me,
When he and she don't care,
When I know it's not fair on him
Yet I'd be stupid to give him up
When I'm caught in a static landslide
What do you expect me to do?

I can't cope anymore,
This is because of You,
Each half of my heart for Best friends two,
This is my way, the only thing I can do.

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__________________________________________________


<a name="#029"> Secret Songs </a>

Mind for money,
Or body or Soul,
Give night after Night
For my bottle of gold,
Soul cries for clousure -
But my mind is elsewhere,
Body still moving, Nearly over,
nearly there.

Under the lights where my all wants to be,
Performing for people, here to love me,
Shimmering body, I tingle and glow,
Up where I am I can give all yet never show.

In my frayed minor G,
The amount to show who wants me,
Exaggerated movement, blind sight,
Deaf to your groan -
Look at you, with my false, plastic upside down,
Upside down smile.

Nature's glory for all to know,
A talent I love, share and show,
travelling round the maypole,
I let vibrations carry through
Connect with my lovers
My secret smile - 'just for you'.

Then in daylight I glow,
Mind dead but the soul, it grows,
Unchained and free to smile,
And Be.
I learn, I clean,
Secret songs inbetween.

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<a name="#030"> Core-uption </a>

I'm looking around at a world of peace,
Sun shining, children laughing,
Old men talking on the bench,
Even a cold hearted soul couldn't help but smile,
So why have I hardened against this world?

Palm up,
I try to grasp hold of a world collapsng to dust around me,
Everywhere I look
Open again and the dust cascades through my fingers -
I cry because I knew I held on too tight -
I crushed my own world.

So still I try to hold it all up,
I carry my life between my heart and my mind,
Inside, beneath -
My strength is failing -
I'll sit here and crumble in the world I destroyed.

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____________________________________________

<a name="#thirty two"> Nathandial's Fridge </a>

Smooth forest - whisper,
But only in my sleep,
And play my symphony of Love
To the delicate friend I crush
Friend of bitter void.

Drunkedly lust after me
Tell the silence of your dirty thoughts,
Tell me that you want me
Beneath the moon life,
beneath the blood red sky -
Mirroring my eyes.

I'm asking you to leave me -
Be over
I want no more.

Why lie?

I won't ever cry - Not now
But Scream
Till sweet eternity Incubates
Robs from me my use.

Sweet eternity - incubate
Rob me of my use.

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[GoddessErika]

<center>Edit complete 9/30/2005 ~GoddessErika</center>

[heinzs]

alphabetizing