Secluded Refuge

[secluded_refuge]

secluded_refuge

Table of Contents
___________________

Still posted:

Get Well
Clockwork
Slice
Sometimes Falls for Always
just a drunken conversation with a wall (didn't even know this was still around)

No longer posted:

PAGE 1

The Fork in the Road
Vice Buckled Trenches
Sacrificial Roses
Angel on My Shoulder
The Sickness
To Whom It May Concern
My Thoughts on Death
Imploring Whisper
"Friends" 'til the End
your instinct to praise wretched swans...
Love is. . .
The Other World Without Me
Misery
The Fan
The Last Song

PAGE 2

Perplexed
Oh! Great pretender!
push
Happy Birthday
Come Again
Rose Colored Glasses (The Spectacle)
Only
Today
Hippies . . . or something like that
Blacklight
Boredom
The Wistful Fly
Vertigo
Bottled Asphyxiation
Dear Demented Diary
Jealousy Comes to Fruition
Those Cruel Gestures
Tethered
Deprivation's Barb
As I Was Leaving
"Careful"
A Decent Trade
Incessant Laughter
Just A Simple Realisation
Red Eyes
Untitled
Father?
Gutterhead

PAGE 3

A Dream Comes Undone
Cataclysm
The Piano
It Doesn't Matter
Disembodied
Sunpist
Now
Enter: The Antidote
Dearest Child
Tribute (an acrostic)
The Toybox
The Dead Knob
Smoke Addict
Sober
The Reverb

PAGE 4

Not 'til Monday
_____________________________


The Fork in the Road

What if we met a fork in the road and chose divergent paths?
You’d go one way and I’d go the other
Your road would form into solid brick and mine into quicksand
I would scream, but you would be too involved with the scenery around you to hear me, as always
You’d continue the “good life” and I would sink without you
Of course, you’d never know because you were always quicker to run away from imperfections
Soon, happy to be away from that old beaten path that you had once traveled
You would reach that wondrous palace in the sky that seemed to look so perfect from afar
But, you realize I’m not with you as I was on that rough dirt road
Nobody is
You left them all behind when you fled
Fled hastily from your problems
Hoping life would become easier
But that small path on which you walked upon with me
Was far more secure
Than that golden highway you traveled, searching for happiness
But you are not happy,
You are alone
Alone because you believed that the people that traveled by your side would be better off without you
You figured I didn’t need your “burdens”
But the greatest burden you have bestowed upon me
Was leaving me in a dark world, alone
And without you to guide me,
I never got to my golden highway
Which might have also been yours

---ega

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Vice Buckled Trenches

Failure is sinking in
I’ve lost my mind
You pushed me to sin
So, you’ll get me out of this bind

It’s your fault, you know
You got us into this
And now, there’s nowhere to go
But the depleted abyss

The crazed look on your face
Makes me paranoid
Am I in your space?
Or are you just stuck in a void

Your demented ways
Have gone too far
Now I know it really pays
To remain who you truly are

I’m sure you won’t make
That mistake again
‘Cause that’s the break
That set us in

Into the darkness
“Follow me,” you said
And that little press
Made us wind up dead

So, dig yourself out
I’ll follow you
And this time I won’t pout
Because my lips are blue

---ega

[secluded_refuge]

I would like everyone's honest opinion and constructive criticism doesn't hurt either:

Sacrificial Roses

Sometimes I sit here just to watch the pain on your face grow
Just to see each tear drop hastily down to my feet
As if I would ever forgive you
For those things you let eat me up inside

Look at your inhibitions seeping back into your conscience
Your madness has imploded
And left nothing but guilt
That's where the hazel in your eyes sprang from

The roses died last week, when you weren't here
You didn't have to watch them burn
Into a meaningless existence
In which sacrifice became black and white

Your laughs don't haunt the inner depths of my wishing well any longer
Persistence has been crushed by torture
The scarlet tie we had is broken
And your desperation and greed are to blame

Now, the roses are in the window next to that box that holds you, my dear
Except now they're white
And now their infinite sadness is yours to keep
And at last the dirt is yours to taste

---ega

[secluded_refuge]

Angel on My Shoulder

An angel has been sitting on my shoulder
These past few days
He keeps hinting that I’m getting older
And things have got to change

But each time I listen
The more I turn away
And his little suggestions
I cannot obey

As time passes on
He does sit and wait
Hoping at each day’s dawn
That I will set things straight

Now I’ve gotten older
And I feel wiser too
And that little angel on my shoulder
Is the one that always knew

No matter what he told me
My heart I would obey
As long as he did not flee
From my true path I would not stray

---ega

[secluded_refuge]

The Sickness

The overwhelming need is upon them
But what they have forgotten
Is the seriousness of it all
The frenzy beating down the door

The craze was rushing through their veins
Now it is merely an addiction
That they must pay for with their lives
And circumstances couldn't be better

The needles have struck many times
But the sickness only once
Devouring every drop twice over
A glare of insanity craving more

They're clinging to the ceiling
Hoping gravity won't kick in
But the suckers have fallen for it
And they can't stop giving in

---ega

[secluded_refuge]

To Whom It May Concern

Cry not, for me when I am gone and dead
Although a mere bullet had caused this wreck
Insisting on resting upon my head
Protruding my mind, I did not object
The world is not at fault, neither are you
There were no signs, I gave no cries for help
T’was me alone who could not see it through
So please do not weep, for I did not yelp
Discerning flaws were scrambled in my mind
When I ended my tortured hell on earth
I then realized that I had become blind
My foolishness had blurred my own self-worth
But it’s my cold limp heart, I must “live” with
Triumph over myself was just a myth

[secluded_refuge]

My Thoughts on Death

It’s rotting away at the end of your rope
And still begging for more
It’s praying for the pain to stop in the middle of the night
And still staying awake to feel it
It’s grabbing the kitchen knife just to end the excuses
And still blaming yourself
It’s sitting on the edge of your bed
And still wondering what time to wake up in the morning
It’s staring at the c.d. rack filled with lost memories
And still wanting to hear that song
It’s placing the blade against your skin
And still wishing there was another way
It’s knowing the blood dripping from your wrists has an awful taste
And still trying to clean it up
It’s not caring enough to stop what you’ve started
And still writing out that letter
It’s being comforted by your last breath
And still wishing you’d tried the pills instead
It’s being too tired to say you’re sorry
And still screaming goodbye

---ega

[secluded_refuge]

Imploring Whisper

Feed me one more page for my collection
Except this last time around make it good
And give it some enticing direction
Place yourself where the artists had once stood
Make my skin crawl with chancy metaphors
Flowing on the edges of similes
A writer’s intentions approach dark shores
Cautiously putting tired souls at ease
Do not be forgotten and pushed aside
Lost in the crowded rush of diffidence
The fictive lust in you has not yet died
You have just held your flair within suspense
So through impulse, I beg you one last time
Awaken and tempt me with a final rhyme

---ega

[secluded_refuge]

"Friends" 'til the End

Escaped to your house
To visit excuses
Sarcasm waited
To conjure up bruises

Wanting to believe
Miraged love existed
Confessed that my heart
Was more than just twisted

Seeing the visions
Of shock leap in your head
Relinquished my hope
And filled me with dread

You told me you noticed
The pain in my voice
You told me that you cared
But I wasn’t your choice

Distance and baggage
You said separated
Us from perfection
We no longer dated

Just friends we would be
With no expectations
Truly “fuck buddies”
Without complications

I heard it before
And began to question
Your intentions and
Let go of discretion

I called you a prick
I called you a child
I screamed out my heart
You just laughed and smiled

Trickery entered
Into your menacing eyes
Frightening me back
Into my false disguise

Your scheming retorts
Always better than mine
Snapped me in half
Destroying my spine

I lay there dying
While you ridiculed me
But my eyes were dry
So you never did see

You asked me to cry
To show some sensation
Blank stares then followed
I lost captivation

You slowly realized
I was damaged and cracked
Previous statements
You attempt to retract

Claimed your emotions
Were just out of control
And apologized
Completely to console

Kissed me intensely
To burn away the pain
The games were all played
Truth, I did ascertain

The greed of your tongue
Became your exposure
But that one last kiss
Has become my closure

With each night’s passing
Apathy clutters my mind
You wouldn’t grow up
So I left you behind


---ega

[secluded_refuge]

your instinct to praise wretched swans...

Why swans?
I swear
Swans
Don’t compare
To the grace
You had
Back when
You were mad

I do not wish to read
Some danty melody
Of charm on waterfront
Poised like some sickly runt

Those miserable things
Never got the best of me
But they got you, this I know
Tied you in a lovely bow

Your college professors
Love your little rhymes
Tell you, you have surpassed
Dickinson a thousand times

I bet they all treasure
Talks of morning dew
But these frilly pieces
Aren’t familiar with you

Pick at your hoodwinked mind
Replace feathery traitors
With whimsical ravens
And you’ll be just fine

I will gleefully scare
All the rodents away
And keep those damn swans
Squawking at bay

They’ve driven you brainless
With talks of hearth and home
Promise it’ll be painless
Just find a dark place to roam

Now devour the ink
Let the bleak magic flow
And soon again
I’ll be calling you Poe


---ega

[secluded_refuge]

Love is. . .

Love
Is
Rose petals
Slowly cluttering
Your mind
Is
A shutting locket
Slowly crushing
Your heart
Is
A pouring fountain
Slowly drowning
Your pain
Is
A constant reminder
Slowly defiling
Your life
Is
An opaque portrait
Slowly fading
Your memory
Is
A tattered scrapbook
Slowly opening
Your wound
Is
A familiar obsession
Slowly feeding
Your craving
Is
Dragging you
Slowly back to
Your love


---ega

[secluded_refuge]

I wrote this a very long time ago and found it lost in my clutter of things, so I just decided to post it.

-Liz

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The Other World Without Me

Your memory is imprinted in my mind
As I remember your happiness and pain once again
I wonder if there is one sign
That you are happy without me
In that other world they call heaven.


---ega

[secluded_refuge]

Misery

I've longed to live
those summer days,
So many times before
But my heart's been cold
for way too long,
To even get past the door

I used to live
And love for me
Now these days,
I’m not so free

I'm locked within these walls
That used to keep me safe,
I'm stranded in a world
That has lost all it's faith

I hope one day
I will see,
It's not that fun
Living in misery

---ega

[secluded_refuge]

The Fan

The fan spins around
Just like my mind
Will it ever end?
Only time will unwind
The spiral of thoughts in my head
Crashing together
As I lie in my bed
Wondering where it all began
All I know is it started with a fan.


---ega

[secluded_refuge]

The Last Song

I feel like I lost a part of you when the songs died
We broke apart when they did
Lyrics were torn by parting ways
No longer will all your prayers echo in my ears
And no more music are we to make
No more nights sacrificed to the rhythm
Or words spilling out of our souls
No way of purifying by new creation

Time has fled pulling you with it
You never dropped any pieces of you
Into my hands before it all went missing
All I have are those dreamed up lines
That are damned to repeat
No more cloaked promises to never die
No more wounds to be revealed
No way of perfecting old friends

I suppose I’ll have to wait
For the reunion


---ega