Search found 12 matches
- Wed Aug 11, 2010 5:25 pm
- Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
- Topic: Inspirational Poet
- Replies: 9
- Views: 6565
Re: Inspirational Poet
I don't see a huge problem with your rhyming. I think the problem on the face of it appears to be due to the line breaks. However, once the reader has realised that the stanzas aren't strictly separated that the last rhyme is split over two lines and employs the use of assonance, it reads OK.
- Tue Aug 10, 2010 8:55 am
- Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
- Topic: Scribbled Lines
- Replies: 4
- Views: 4304
Re: Scribbled Lines
I quite enjoyed this one. A simple, unfussy muse on something close to you. The only two parts which don't work for me are Crossing out ideas unworth This sounds very clumsy to read. I can understand why you have chosen to use "unworth", but I think you've sacrificed some grammatical clarity, in ord...
- Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:00 pm
- Forum: Fun & Games
- Topic: Currently Reading...
- Replies: 72
- Views: 68043
Re: Currently Reading...
Just started The Magus , so far so good. Before that, just finished reading Jeff Noons Vurt , a story involving different coloured feathers that are taken like drugs. They send you and your friends into dreamlike states, where is some cases its possible to get lost. The book was made even better bec...
- Thu Jan 01, 2009 7:53 pm
- Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
- Topic: Boy Soldiers
- Replies: 8
- Views: 7671
Re: Boy Soldiers
I'd be inclined to agree with the above posts. I was sucked in by the subject matter and I think it could be the basis for something good. The thing that stands out though (and I've seen this alot from people) is its not a poem as such. Although poems don't have to rhyme, or even adhere to strict ru...
Cold
Christmas comes and goes.
Loneliness buries a man
like hills in winter.
Loneliness buries a man
like hills in winter.
- Mon Dec 29, 2008 10:55 pm
- Forum: Fun & Games
- Topic: Question Game (II):
- Replies: 67
- Views: 61974
Re: Question Game (II):
Went to the same pub we've been going to for the last ten years, only to find it's started closing at 22:30 now. So time for a change next year!
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
- Mon Dec 29, 2008 12:24 pm
- Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
- Topic: unknown prayer
- Replies: 3
- Views: 4349
Re: unknown prayer
Hi wadley gurl Just a couple of small points. In line three, you mention the "unforgiven ground". Do you actually mean that the ground has not been forgiven or that it is unforgiv ing ? Secondly, in line 5 the formatting disapears. Is this intentional? If so, I'd be interested to know why you chose ...
- Mon Dec 18, 2006 5:37 pm
- Forum: Teen Spirit
- Topic: Pieces of a soul
- Replies: 12
- Views: 8899
The way you have effectivly written about yourself in the third person has worked for me. It captures a feeling of looking in on yourself and examining things from a more objective stand point. To me you have shown a realisation of the poet coming to terms with who they are and what they are doing t...
- Mon Dec 18, 2006 5:27 pm
- Forum: Teen Spirit
- Topic: Sink
- Replies: 2
- Views: 3816
I'm going to have to read this one over a few more times. The part where your soul passes by your mortal corpse and beyond, really grabbed my attention. I'm a real lover of short pieces that manage to pack in plenty for me to think about. Even if it's just one image, if I want to ponder on that imag...
- Mon Dec 18, 2006 5:20 pm
- Forum: Teen Spirit
- Topic: Time
- Replies: 17
- Views: 13739
I enjoyed reading this. There is some really tight imagery going on here. I'm interested to know why you broke the flow with a comma at the end of each line, it was an intersting literary device. I'll be sure to look up more of your work, if it's all of this standard you're on to a winner! :grin: Th...
- Sat Dec 16, 2006 10:33 am
- Forum: In Tribute
- Topic: Hannah's Song
- Replies: 5
- Views: 3184
Thanks Heinzs :) I find myself writing less and less these days, but when my Gran passed away earlier this month, I felt I had to write something . Its not perfect and there're parts of it I'll go back and change when I have the time to think about it some more, but for now I'm just glad that I've w...
- Sat Dec 16, 2006 8:44 am
- Forum: In Tribute
- Topic: Hannah's Song
- Replies: 5
- Views: 3184
Hannah's Song
"Come sit a while and listen" "To what?" I began to say "To the silence in this room where Hannah spent her days. The sound of smiles have faded and left glum looks upon the wall The rugs have all been tattered where her voice fell through the floor. The carpets under foot which once sighed under he...