Search found 12 matches

by Jimi
Wed Aug 11, 2010 5:25 pm
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Inspirational Poet
Replies: 9
Views: 1887

Re: Inspirational Poet

I don't see a huge problem with your rhyming. I think the problem on the face of it appears to be due to the line breaks. However, once the reader has realised that the stanzas aren't strictly separated that the last rhyme is split over two lines and employs the use of assonance, it reads OK.
by Jimi
Tue Aug 10, 2010 8:55 am
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Scribbled Lines
Replies: 4
Views: 1303

Re: Scribbled Lines

I quite enjoyed this one. A simple, unfussy muse on something close to you. The only two parts which don't work for me are Crossing out ideas unworth This sounds very clumsy to read. I can understand why you have chosen to use "unworth", but I think you've sacrificed some grammatical clarity, in ord...
by Jimi
Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:00 pm
Forum: Fun & Games
Topic: Currently Reading...
Replies: 72
Views: 21115

Re: Currently Reading...

Just started The Magus , so far so good. Before that, just finished reading Jeff Noons Vurt , a story involving different coloured feathers that are taken like drugs. They send you and your friends into dreamlike states, where is some cases its possible to get lost. The book was made even better bec...
by Jimi
Thu Jan 01, 2009 7:53 pm
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: Boy Soldiers
Replies: 8
Views: 2599

Re: Boy Soldiers

I'd be inclined to agree with the above posts. I was sucked in by the subject matter and I think it could be the basis for something good. The thing that stands out though (and I've seen this alot from people) is its not a poem as such. Although poems don't have to rhyme, or even adhere to strict ru...
by Jimi
Tue Dec 30, 2008 2:38 am
Forum: Briefs:
Topic: Cold
Replies: 1
Views: 521

Cold

Christmas comes and goes.
Loneliness buries a man
like hills in winter.
by Jimi
Mon Dec 29, 2008 10:55 pm
Forum: Fun & Games
Topic: Question Game (II):
Replies: 67
Views: 18492

Re: Question Game (II):

Went to the same pub we've been going to for the last ten years, only to find it's started closing at 22:30 now. So time for a change next year!

What is the sound of one hand clapping?
by Jimi
Mon Dec 29, 2008 12:24 pm
Forum: Workshop/Critiques Wanted
Topic: unknown prayer
Replies: 3
Views: 1435

Re: unknown prayer

Hi wadley gurl Just a couple of small points. In line three, you mention the "unforgiven ground". Do you actually mean that the ground has not been forgiven or that it is unforgiv ing ? Secondly, in line 5 the formatting disapears. Is this intentional? If so, I'd be interested to know why you chose ...
by Jimi
Mon Dec 18, 2006 5:37 pm
Forum: Teen Spirit
Topic: Pieces of a soul
Replies: 12
Views: 2964

The way you have effectivly written about yourself in the third person has worked for me. It captures a feeling of looking in on yourself and examining things from a more objective stand point. To me you have shown a realisation of the poet coming to terms with who they are and what they are doing t...
by Jimi
Mon Dec 18, 2006 5:27 pm
Forum: Teen Spirit
Topic: Sink
Replies: 2
Views: 1381

I'm going to have to read this one over a few more times. The part where your soul passes by your mortal corpse and beyond, really grabbed my attention. I'm a real lover of short pieces that manage to pack in plenty for me to think about. Even if it's just one image, if I want to ponder on that imag...
by Jimi
Mon Dec 18, 2006 5:20 pm
Forum: Teen Spirit
Topic: Time
Replies: 17
Views: 5644

I enjoyed reading this. There is some really tight imagery going on here. I'm interested to know why you broke the flow with a comma at the end of each line, it was an intersting literary device. I'll be sure to look up more of your work, if it's all of this standard you're on to a winner! :grin: Th...
by Jimi
Sat Dec 16, 2006 10:33 am
Forum: In Tribute
Topic: Hannah's Song
Replies: 5
Views: 1177

Thanks Heinzs :) I find myself writing less and less these days, but when my Gran passed away earlier this month, I felt I had to write something . Its not perfect and there're parts of it I'll go back and change when I have the time to think about it some more, but for now I'm just glad that I've w...
by Jimi
Sat Dec 16, 2006 8:44 am
Forum: In Tribute
Topic: Hannah's Song
Replies: 5
Views: 1177

Hannah's Song

"Come sit a while and listen" "To what?" I began to say "To the silence in this room where Hannah spent her days. The sound of smiles have faded and left glum looks upon the wall The rugs have all been tattered where her voice fell through the floor. The carpets under foot which once sighed under he...

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